Falling in love is a common experience and a wonderful one. It sweeps us up in a euphoric passion that dominates our thoughts day and night. But is there more to it than simple emotions?   Romantic love, and its impact on us, has been the subject of study for millennia. Philosophers from ancient times have mused on it, theologians have divined it and poets have waxed lyrical about it.   More recently, it has become a subject of interest to scientists from the fields of psychology, sociology and neurobiology. Consequently, we ...

Start a “change reaction” in your relationship by changing yourself first. It’s easy to see how couples get stuck when ‘being right’ has become a habit. Clinging to our ‘right to be right’ is like gangrene in a relationship — it eats away at our intimacy by destroying our willingness to be vulnerable and open with each other. Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over while ...

Managing each other’s expectations in a relationship can be challenging, but here are five steps to building the trust required for a solid foundation from which you can grow together. Today we had a meeting. Sigh… The dreaded meeting! Being a couple and working together is complex. We’re both strong-willed and passionate about what we do, so it’s easy for us to slip into a mode where we single-mindedly pursue what ...

In his book The Power of Commitment, Scott Stanley (USA) provides some very useful insights into the nature of commitment. He identifies two types of relationship commitment: constraints and dedication. Constraint Commitment Constraint commitment refers to the ‘forces’ that resist the separation of a couple even when one or both partners would prefer to leave the relationship. Constraints tend to accumulate with the relationship and begin from very early on, before ...

We all understand that our marriages go through their ups and downs, but we often don’t appreciate that they also go through fundamental reconfigurations over the years. We have come to realise that we have actually had several marriages already in our 28+ years together. For example, there was the ‘newlywed marriage’ where we were building a new life together, living overseas and redefining ourselves as a couple. There was the ...

Marriage is the coming together of two individuals, with natural differences. Loving honesty in communication helps us to grow together as one. What seems hard in marriage is often doing us good. A few weeks ago, we were invited to attend an event featuring Jordan Peterson. Curious to see this Canadian psychologist and academic, who was touring Australia with sell-out audiences, we took up the offer. One of the questions put ...

Men and women have different ways of communicating. Once you understand how to speak your beloved’s language, life will be a lot smoother! My wife asked me, “Does my hair look better?” The context of the conversation was that the COVID lockdowns had prevented her from going to the hairdresser to get her regular haircut. This is a grief to a woman, let alone the feeling of not looking her best. ...

Married life, like your career, take effort and investment. For resilience in your marital relationship, don’t expect your spouse to fulfil your every want; instead, learn to love them and grow with them through the ups and downs of life. A healthy and realistic perspective is the basis for a solid marriage. Let’s face it — marriage can be a tough gig these days. Living in a culture that almost expects ...

The perfect is the enemy of the good. While it is important to have standards while selecting a life partner and future parent of your children, having an overly idealistic dream will blind you to the suitable real-life humans in front of you. Chasing ‘Happily Ever After’ It sounds so romantic: ‘Destiny’ has each of us perfectly matched with someone with whom we will form an instant rapport. All we need ...

Working together with your spouse in parenting and disciplining your children makes it all the more effective. Now to introduce our second pup. His name was Chance and he was a very handsome Black Labrador. Chance was a “by the rule book” pup and loved people’s company on his terms. Chance also had a stubborn streak that had him withdrawn from the program, so he became our pet. Lesson 3: Two ...

Everyone experiences love differently. Biology, upbringing, personality and experiences all influence the way an individual likes and needs to be loved. Being different in this way isn’t a problem. In fact, it’s one of the things that make relationships a rich and wonderful experience. Different Wavelenghts What is a potential problem is that both you and your spouse (or fiance, date, friends etc) will instinctively give love in the way that ...

How can you best love your spouse? Here are some basics to identify their unique love profile and meet their needs while avoiding potential pitfalls. On a mission to love… Every couple wants to avoid divorce and get along without too many fights. A successful marriage, however, is much more than just this; it is a life-long union in which both husband and wife flourish as individuals and enjoy a deep ...

Life with a baby turns regular activities into entirely new and wonderful experiences. It’s hard to believe so much time has passed. My son, Seth, is now ten weeks old, and so intelligent he’s bound to make a future Prime Minister. (Not that I’m biased!) Recently, I reflected on my experiences during Seth’s birth. A heap has happened since then. He’s grown, developed skills, changed appearance, and I’ve learned there is ...

Taking a pause and practising restraint in the midst of conflict allows you to identify how old wounds are being triggered by the current situation, and re-focus in order to resolve the conflict peacefully, repairing the relationship and deepening your love. It happens all the time — one of us does or says something and it triggers a harsh reaction. To break the habit of reactivity, try this mindfulness tool to ...

Most of us think of love as that feeling of affection and attachment we experience for another person. But is love just a feeling? Or is there more to it? The Experience of Love Every person experiences love in a unique way. Some gestures of love will more powerfully communicate love to you than others. For example, some people feel close and connected when they can physically touch the other person. ...

Every now and then, a moment comes when someone fires a bolt of truth into the mayhem of modern culture and the repercussions are felt around the world, in a good way!  Such a moment was the historic interview by Cathy Newman, an avowed radical feminist, with a mild but firm professor, Jordan Peterson from Canada, a highly intelligent advocate for common sense. The interview has gone viral and is now ...

Here are five affordable yet fun ideas to celebrate the spirit of Valentine’s Day with your beloved all year round. Valentine’s Day is, in many ways, a gap-filling marketing oasis for retailers to cover their bottom lines between Christmas and Easter. We buy into it probably for the same reasons. Valentine’s Day offers time to take a breath between the biggest ecclesial feasts of the year. The grind is back in ...

Counting your blessings by noting down things to be grateful about your spouse, is a wonderful way to transform your perspective and make them feel genuinely appreciated and loved. Yes, it is Valentine’s Day this coming Monday 14 February, and the first thing you are going to say is, this is just commercialised flim-flam, and besides, what has it got to do with Dads? Trust me, celebrating Valentine’s Day is critical ...

Quality time together is ideal to keep the spark alive in a marriage, but it needs to be bolstered by “quantity-time”, making the effort to do routine things together, being comfortable in each other’s company and sharing everyday moments. With Valentine’s Day approaching, couples everywhere are looking for ways to mark the day with romance. From lovestruck dating couples to couples stressed out with kids, every one of us struggles to ...

Seeing your child grow up and get married is bittersweet, but embrace the changing seasons as part of being a parent. Being the father of the bride is an honour, a momentous occasion, a fresh opportunity to love. The first Father of the Bride movie was shot in 1950. The second Father of the Bride movie with Steve Martin starring as the father was shot in 1991. Don’t worry, there will ...