Boys to Men – Rites of Passage

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Dads4Kids aims to release a teaching series in conjunction with Brian Molitor of Malachi Global, recorded on the Sunshine Coast, Queensland during one of Brian Molitor’s speaking tours in Australia.

Brian Molitor is a great communicator with a big heart. He is also a big guy, 6 ft 4″, with a background, in his younger years, as a semi-professional footballer and a very keen basketball player as well. In his early days he was a lumberjack, and as the years rolled on, he moved into corporate training as a management consultant. Brian is listed in the Who’s Who of Business Leadership for his team-building and corporate coaching.

Brian shared foundation principles on lifelong mentoring and the power of a plan with us. He pointed out that if you have no plan, you have no power. Brian’s message is all about intentional parenting and planning for success as fathers. He also pointed out the incredible power that a father has in his ability to bless his children, and to encourage them through hugs and the appropriate use of touch.

Brian told us how one man who attended his seminar was powerfully affected in a positive way through his message. While Brian spoke about dads using their hands to bless their children or curse them, this man was heavily convicted of his harsh behaviour towards his daughters. He used to slap them on the face with his hands when they did the wrong thing. He realised the error of his ways, firstly apologising to his wife in tears for his bad behaviour. He then apologised to his 16-year-old and then his 14-year-old daughters. They were all crying by this stage and God was healing hearts in a big way.

This family had been highly dysfunctional; fighting, swearing and throwing things at each other. They required regular counselling together just to get them through each week as a family. Because of the father’s apology to his wife and daughters, the family was totally restored and did not have to attend any further counselling together.

Brian’s message on rites of passage was equally impacting as he shared on the profound transformations that occur through simple celebrations of manhood or womanhood for both boys and girls.

Boy’s Passage, Man’s Journey is available at Koorong. Here are Brian Molitor’s own words about the subject:

When a young male reaches his teen years, he instinctively looks for ways to affirm his manhood. In societies where rites of passage are part of the norm, each young male participates in a formal ceremony during which his manhood is publicly and undeniably affirmed. From that day forward, he is treated differently by those around him and receives more freedom, rights and privileges. In response the young man begins to think and act more an as adult than as a child. For the rest of his life he pursues maturity rather than manhood.

In contrast, a young male living in a society with no formal rites of passage must find his own path to adulthood. Without formal affirmation of his transformation, he vainly tries to find manhood on his own through a variety of means. Sadly, his pursuit of manhood rather than maturity will lead him down many side roads that are fruitless at best, destructive at worst.

While the two concepts, manhood and maturity seem very similar, they are as different as night and day. Manhood is bestowed upon a young male by the trusted elders (fathers, grandfathers, uncles, pastors, coaches, teachers) of his society during a rite of passage. Maturity is gained as a man grows in knowledge, wisdom and character. Manhood is a gift that we adults give to our sons. Maturity is the gift that they give back to us.

On the long flight from Africa, it became clear to me that without a rite of passage and some very deliberate mentoring along the way, each of us remains trapped within a false image of who we are. As I looked more deeply into the matter of ‘growing up’, I made a list of negative childish actions. Selfishness was definitely high on the list, followed by complaining, quitting when faced with a difficult situation, throwing temper tantrums, spewing threats of self-destruction, struggling with short attention spans, and demanding one’s own way without regard for the needs of others.

It is clear that the lack of an intentional transition into adulthood creates a variety of problems for men of all ages. In an attempt to compensate for the lack of a transitional event, some teenage males unknowingly create their own rites of passage by resorting to violence, alcohol other drugs and sexual conquest. In the corporate world some men in leadership positions use the authority of their job titles to prove they have arrives, threatening others into submission. Like bullies who stalk junior-high schoolyards, these ‘grown’ men live to verbally wrestle and pin their weaker opponents during staff meetings.

Often men in their late thirties, forties, and fifties stumble into what is commonly called a midlife crisis. During this time, men become consumed with a desire to search for meaning and identity in their lives. This sounds strangely similar to the vision quest that White Fox undertook at age fourteen.

In today’s society, men seem to have a difficult time settling into life. Many struggle with a ‘Peter Pan syndrome’. They do not want to grow up, and yet they realise they were created for a higher purpose than endless play in never-never land. How sad it is to see men at the end of their lives, estranged from their families, still unsure about spiritual realities, still questioning the reason for their own existence, and still wondering if they have succeeded in growing into manhood. Just as sad to see are the countless families whose sons fall into the predictable traps along the road of life because they don’t know what a man is, much less how to become one.

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