Change is difficult. It can also be complicated. Despite our best intentions, sustained change often eludes us. We’ve had many spouses tell us that their husband or wife promised to change, and things were good for a while, but then there was a relapse. Their good intentions were not enough to sustain their energy for change. So what can we do when we really need a change to stick? What needs ...

“For an increasing number of long-term marriages, it’s no longer a case of ‘until death do us part,’ it’s a matter of until the children depart from the family nest,” writes Rachel Browne in a Sydney Morning Herald article, “Parents wait until children go, then do the same thing.” Suddenly finding your busy life full of activities attached to children, and a home in a constant state of noise, and endless ...

Our culture pressures us to keep working and consuming. It takes a conscious effort to step back, take a breather and re-prioritise, but doing so is really worth it for good health and peace of mind. “We have more ‘things per person’ than any other nation in history. Closets are full, storage space is used up, and cars can’t fit into garages, having first imprisoned us with debt. Possessions then take ...

Have you ever experienced the situation when someone has apologised but, while the words were said it lacked something, making it difficult for you to accept it? Sadly, most of us are not as good at apologising as we need to be. We think that it’s obvious, should just be instinctual, or that our love should somehow make it magically work. Well, it isn’t obvious, and it is not instinctual. We ...

It’s one of the most powerful movie moments in history — in my opinion. Not because of special effects, cinematography, eloquent scripting or romantic fervour. It happened deep within the ruins of the World Trade Centre, during the 2006 Olive Stone movie of the same name. Sergeant John McLoughlin is trapped, losing all hope of rescue, when he has a vision of his wife. I can’t find it anywhere on YouTube, ...

Editorial Note: Songs capture moments and sometimes the moments live on. ‘Love is a Battlefield’ is such a song from the eighties that people still sing today and for good reason. The truth hurts and the truth heals. Listen if you dare. ~~~ We are young, heartache to heartache we stand No promises, no demands Love is a battlefield We are strong, no one can tell us we’re wrong Searchin’ our ...

One of the greatest challenges couples face in our contemporary age is the presumption of sexual excitement. When the romance wanes, marriages are at risk — but what’s a couple to do when passion is in decline? We’re all in favour of a vibrant and passionate sex life for couples — however, it’s not always easy to sustain the passion when domestic responsibilities make spontaneity and novelty an endangered species. Early ...

Believe it or not, any victory for mothers is also a victory for fathers, and ultimately for children. Sall Dover, a new young mother, after protesting on Twitter about the forced use of the Orwellian phrase “birthing parent”, has scored a victory for motherhood. It takes a man and a woman to create a child, and a mother and a father to raise a child. All the social science research shows ...

Keeping the flame of love alive in your marriage through the years, is the best gift you can give your children — a daily example of how to cherish their mother, no matter what life brings. “It will never happen to me”; “No way — too much fun to have”; “Hey boys, did you hear about Johnno getting hitched? (cue gasps of shock and unbelief)… he’s mad.” Who can remember as ...

“How was your day?” It’s one of the most common questions couples ask each other and either leads to a dead-end response like, “fine” or “busy” (which usually means “I don’t want to talk about it”), or a long-winded description of meetings, frustrations, errands and other ‘busy’ stuff. It’s what we call a ‘data transfer’ conversation. Such exchanges are important for coordinating our lives and avoiding unnecessary misunderstandings, but they don’t ...

One of the great delights of running marriage enrichment retreats for couples is hearing all the amazing love stories. From beginning to end, every one of them has mystery, radical self-sacrifice and epic persistence in some capacity. We often joke that our own love story is more akin to a soap opera than real life, but after hearing hundreds of love stories, ours is really not that remarkable. Nonetheless, we are ...

Doing business requires finesse in communicating with your clients. Similar skills and strategies can be applied to your relationship with your spouse. Byron’s life-long career has been as an advisor to large companies on their strategic directions. As an outsider to the company trying to help its leaders make difficult decisions on their business strategy, he deals with difficult issues complicated by competing personal interests. Invariably, the advice involves change and ...

No matter how easy it is to fall in love, staying in love requires attention and effort. Most people drift into love, marriage and family without a whole lot of conscious planning about the kind of relationship they want to have five, ten or twenty years down the track. Whether you are married, engaged or dating, it is never too late to be more intentional in your relationship. Being proactive in ...

Harvey MacKay said, “The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships.” MacKay knows a thing or two. Harvey is a very successful businessman, married for over 50 years to his architect wife, with three children and eleven grandchildren. Harvey MacKay has sold over 10 million books about business and building a successful life. Interviewing Steve Smith for the Dads4Kids podcasts reminded me a lot of Harvey ...

We’ve been hearing from many of our SmartLoving leaders around the world looking for help in supporting couples under stress. There’s certainly a lot of stress going around with pandemic-induced changes and uncertainty. It got us reflecting on marital resilience — the ability of a relationship to endure and persevere through difficulties. There is quite a bit of information on personal resilience, and it’s a buzzword in education these days, but ...

Kevin Allen was a pretty committed father before he did the ‘Good to Great’ Fathering Course. When he completed the course in 2019, he went through a supercharging process in his fathering. I can remember talking with Kevin shortly after he finished the course. He told me at the time that his business bottom line had improved markedly. More importantly, his relationships with his three young children had changed completely for ...

In marriage, the little things are really the big things. In business, it is well recognised that getting the ‘big things right’ is important, but it is often the so-called ‘little things’ that make the difference between good and great companies. We were reminded of this the other day when reading about a US company that specialises in disaster restoration. It jumps into action following a flood, tornado, or after fire ...

Behind every behaviour or decision that you make, is a value — something that you hold in high esteem and is advanced in some way by the action. For example, making the choice to work back late, may reflect any one of a number of values, such as: having pride in doing a job well, reducing financial debt, avoiding anticipated conflict at home, or being appreciated by colleagues All of these ...

“Love is the greatest force in the universe”. These are the words of Dr Martin Luther King, America’s greatest civil rights leader. Dr King was assassinated in 1968 and so proved these words in unmistakable fashion. Twenty years ago, on 1 May 2002, Dads4Kids was officially incorporated as a charitable association. Our mission remains the same as it was then. Our main focus is still a better life for our children: ...

How do you and your spouse prefer to receive love, and what makes you feel unloved? Here is a quick list to help you boost the quality of your marriage by better understanding one another. Do you know your love needs and love busters? Do the quiz below to determine your top five love needs and worst three love busters. Love Need: A behaviour or gesture which communicates love to you ...