Any couple who stays together more than a decade by necessity is doing what we could call ‘conscious REcoupling’. As we well know, people change.

Sleep deprivation is marriage enemy number one in our book. When sleep-deprived, everything can appear miserable and beyond redemption.

Whether new to the dad guild or a veteran dad-lifer, blunt affirmations offer sharp relief. Telling ourselves objective truths keeps us fit for the fight.

Without spending intentional, quality time with each other, we quickly get out of sync. When we do, our patience wears thin, our tones get harsh, and bickering over small things increases. The speed at which disconnect can occur always shocks me. 

I find myself huffing in annoyance when sorting out his attempt to pack the dishwasher. He has seemingly not calculated the maximised available space-to-ickiness-of-surface ratio.

A few years ago, Francine was a guest on Vision Radio for marriage week. One of the callers shared how his and his wife’s early ‘family of origin’ formation had caused them a lot of conflict. Their differences in expectations and values had caused them a great deal of grief. All married couples will experience both positive and negative effects from their family of origin formation, even those of us from ...

Recently, we came across this quote from Simone Weil, a 20th-century French philosopher, Christian mystic and political activist. “God and humanity are like two lovers who have missed their rendezvous. Each is there before the time, but each at a different place, and they wait, and wait, and wait. He stands motionless, nailed to the spot for the whole of time. She is distraught and impatient. But alas for her if ...

This morning, a friend from Canberra forwarded us a reflection on walking called: Keep Moving. It noted that walking was not only good for physical health, but that it is also good for spiritual health. It recalled the many stories of the New Testament where Jesus and/or the disciples were walking, not just physically from one place to another but also spiritually: walking away from the old way towards a new ...

No one likes being in an argument. Arguments stir up intense emotions and can leave us feeling misunderstood and wounded. Yet, not all arguments are equal. Arguments mean different things in different circumstances. An argument is defined as a work of persuasion. We use arguments to convince others of our point of view. Well-thought arguments are crucial to social discourse and an important tool in workplace decision-making. When we make a ...

A recent study has found that couples without kids are much happier in their marriage than those with kids. Should I be worried? Thankfully, the same study showed that mums were happiest of all, but dads were amongst the unhappiest — perhaps because of the strain parenting has put on their marriage. Nothing can really prepare you for how much life changes after your baby arrives: sleepless nights, the relentless advice ...

“No generation knows better than ours the terrible consequences of growing up without a father. Fatherless boys are far more likely to grow up and commit violent crime, mistreat women, and act out against society in every other way. Girls who do not have a father to honour — and, hopefully, to love as well — are more likely to seek the wrong men and to be promiscuous at an early ...

by Bill Muehlenberg Fatherlessness is a growing problem in the Western world. Whether caused by divorce and broken families, or by deliberate single parenting, more and more children grow up in Australia without fathers. Concerned groups have argued that a mother and father are crucial in the raising of children. Father absence has been shown to be detrimental to the well being of children. The following is a summary of the evidence for ...

Different personalities. Different upbringing. Different education. Different sexes. Sometimes different ethnic or religious backgrounds. With so many differences between us, is it any wonder that making decisions as a couple is complicated and sometimes conflictual? We unpack the SmartLoving framework for managing differences and making couple decisions. Byron and Francine Pirola have been married for 34 years, and between them, they have over three decades of experience in marriage and family ...

My together time with my daughters makes three people. When we are together, each of us brings our own measure of joy, mellowness, sanity, sorrow, silliness, delight, curiosity, affection, wonder and all the other hurdy-gurdy of emotions. Even though I try to have my dad radar tuned in to the emotions of two daughters, sometimes it can be a tough read. Tuning in and applying the right combination of daddy empathy ...

I’ve found a solution to my perceived marital problems: it’s easy, you can do this too. Have a night away with the man of your dreams (this is not a reference to Ryan Gosling). I’m talking about your husband – remember when you used to dream about him? It was right before you started washing his socks and reminding him where the laundry basket lives. One night away with my husband ...

When we look back on our early romance, we note how quick we were to trust each other, even recklessly so. We dived into the relationship with ready abandon and little thought for the risks of rejection or disappointment. Since then, our trust levels have strengthened in many areas, and declined in others, as we’ve experienced ups and downs in our relationship. It leads us to ponder: what builds trust between ...

Walk through any quality ’80s film, and the reoccurring theme is staying power. Daniel LaRusso, Rocky Balboa, Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo? Staying power. Axel Foley, Ripley (Aliens), John McClane, Mr Miyagi, and Maverick? Again, staying power. Add to this, characters played by some of the 80’s best female actors: Meryl Streep, Michelle Pfeiffer, Kathleen Turner, and Goldie Hawn. Their undeniable hidden strength is staying power. Look at the ...

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love requires a conscious decision and focused investment. Loving the Smart way is easy when you know how. Our romance was a whirlwind of delight and passion. Over an intense two years, we courted with a dedicated focus: from the very beginning, it was clear that we were discerning marriage. But even before we got to the altar, the sparkle of those initial ‘in ...

I wasn’t expecting that! We’ve explored how our formation in our family of origin continues to play out throughout our marriages. There are typically three ways in which our formation can pose challenges for us and today we explore the first of these: incompatible expectations. Growing up, Francine’s father was a retail pharmacist, with her mother working full-time raising the family and volunteering in the school and parish community. It was ...

It’s true! And now there’s a study that proves it. Finally, I have the ammunition I need to convince hubby that our next date night movie should be a rom-com, rather than an action flick. Researchers who conducted a study involving 174 couples found that those who discussed five movies about relationships over a month cut the three-year divorce rate for newlyweds in half. Superior Choice Okay, so the research is ...