We had a request recently from someone looking for a prayer for a couple going through tough times in their marriage. While we were very happy to oblige, it struck us that for many couples in this situation, prayer is often far from their thoughts, and yet, it is one of the most effective interventions for a troubled marriage. Dr Frank Fincham, Director of the FSU Family Institute, conducted a study ...

As mid-lifers in the midst of working through some of our ‘issues’, we are acutely aware of how easy it would be to let our individual stuff derail our marriage. It’s normal for a person in midlife to be irritable and volatile. Some react with depressive symptoms, others get angry and aggressive, and others withdraw or self-medicate with alcohol, drugs, work, food, affairs, tv, gaming or exercise. Some cope better than ...

“Forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Lk 23:24). These words of Jesus as he was being crucified were meant not just for his executioners, but for all of us. His love transcends all our limitations and failures and calls us into life. We all have someone to forgive; someone who has disappointed, betrayed, abandoned or hurt us in some way. For those of us who are married, it’s ...

When it comes to marriage, relationships and arguments, there are a lot of myths out there. Here are five of the most common. Myth 1: Good Couples Don’t Argue The presence or absence of arguments is not a good indicator of the health of a marriage. Some couples who don’t argue are living detached, parallel lives. They’ve essentially checked out of the marriage and have given up caring. These couples are ...

We recently enjoyed a week in New Zealand – about five days with some of our children and then two blessed days on our own. It was like a tonic for our soul and our marriage. Long walks with relaxed afternoons soaking up beautiful vistas and abundant wildlife. One such cheeky local was a Fantail – a small native bird that sashayed its tail and flitted about our feet. This friendly avian accompanied ...

On Friday afternoon, we went on a bushwalk with Byron’s work colleagues. Although we were with other people, we so enjoyed the time together. Walking is remarkably therapeutic for us… perhaps it’s the natural environment, or maybe it’s simply the absence of the constant phone, email and text distraction. Whatever it is, is not the point. It just feels strangely normal and earthy. Like we are stepping for a few hours ...

Yesterday we celebrated our daughter’s wedding to a wonderful man and family. Our daughter Kiara looked absolutely radiant with an interior joy; her now-husband Doug, was magnificent — strong, steady and adoring. Their evident love for each other lit up the church and the celebration that followed. As parents of the bride, we were afforded the opportunity to address the guests, and we thought we’d share some of our thoughts with ...

The proposed Family Law Amendment legislation by the Labor Government will be another case of rearranging the deck chairs on the Titanic, instead of fixing the hole in the hull to stop the ship from going down. Many of the reform proposals, such as considering the best interests of the child, are well-intentioned, but unless they solve the fundamental problem, they really become another layer of bureaucracy to waste taxpayers’ money. ...

Anything worth having is never free. As Francine and I raced around on a typical Saturday afternoon, we found ourselves at the local shopping village together. Never one to waste the opportunity to gain a ‘good husband’ brownie point, I declared we should have a ‘coffee date’. Naturally, Francine obliged — she practically never says no to a ‘date’, no matter how pathetic. (Have I ever mentioned my “do you want ...

The most powerful influence on a couple is their family of origin. Good or bad, our experiences in our childhood prepared us for marriage. The young couple sitting opposite us had been married only a few years. They were experiencing some health challenges, but this is not what brought them to us; they were locked in a perpetual low-grade argument that never seemed to end. They were so ‘wired’, almost every ...

In a recent discussion at a youth conference, it was put to us by some of the participants that premarital sex was acceptable as long as it was a ‘committed’ relationship. Casual sex was seen to be inappropriate and perhaps dangerous, but if the couple were in a committed dating situation, then sex was okay. It sounds very reasonable and moderate, even mature; there is a certain sense of respect for ...

“A lot of men feel pressured by Valentine’s Day. They don’t like being expected to do something romantic for their wife or girlfriend on an arbitrary date on the calendar. They flinch when their mate drops hints in early February about what flowers or candy she prefers.” These are the words of Professor William Doherty, one of the world’s most recognised academic authorities on marriage and family. He was one of ...

A Pew study released mid-January suggests a majority of mums and dads in the United States are prioritising money over marriage. 90% of those quizzed about ‘aspirations’ for their children ‘prioritized financial independence and career satisfaction’ as numero uno. Material Success The Research Centre’s findings claimed that for a majority of parents, ‘it’s extremely or very important their children be financially independent when they are adults.’ Almost as ‘equally important’ for ...

What Are the Signs and What Do They Mean? In today’s dating scene, there is a great deal of confusion about commitment and what it means. Scott Stanley*, one of the foremost thinkers on commitment, suggests that the old ‘commitment phobia’ explanation doesn’t fully explain the dilemma in which dating couples find themselves. One reason for this is the confusion between ‘public displays of affection’ and ‘public displays of commitment’. We’re ...

Commitment Phobia We’ve heard the phrase bandied around for years, but is it really as simple as someone being afraid of, or threatened by, making a commitment to his or her dating partner? Usually the ‘Commitment Phobia’ accusation is levelled towards the man in the relationship, with the related belief that it comes down to something genetically programmed on the Y chromosome! At the core of a person’s willingness to commit ...

Here’s a question for you: How would you rate yourself as a driver — below average, average, or above average? How about your IQ (intelligence)? And finally, how about as a tennis player? Research by psychologists tells us that most people overestimate their driving ability and intelligence compared to others, while they will be much more accurate about their tennis ability. One reason why is that we can easily obtain objective ...

Counsellors and educators often talk about the importance of fun in a marriage. For those of us raising families, couple fun is one of the first casualties in the busy family schedule. Enter the Couple Project! –  a great way to put fun back on the agenda with these multiple benefits: Time together. This is so important, many marriage counsellors will demand their ‘recovering’ couples prioritise time together, up to 15 ...

Housework: It’s often a topic of debate among couples, and truth be told, we’ve had our own dramas in this area over the years. We have very different values and expressions when it comes to housework. Byron is particular about floors and will often be found with a broom, mop or vacuum cleaner in hand. Francine is more motivated around food preparation — she’s more likely to be at the supermarket ...

Too many New Year resolutions falter because they fail to address what really needs changing: the internal disposition that compels us into unwanted habits. A few years ago, we received a letter from an irate reader. We were tempted to point out his clear misinterpretation that led him to conclude almost the direct opposite of our intent. But we recognised in his words the wounded heart of a person imprisoned by ...

New research validates age-old wisdom: the simple habit of gratitude can transform a jaded marriage into a joyous encounter. By Marilyn Rodrigues A University of North Carolina study highlighted the association of gratitude with a happy marriage. Cameron Gordon, the study’s lead author, said that the goodwill generated by grateful spouses creates a “reciprocal feedback loop” of marital harmony, helping spouses to view their interactions even on bad days in a ...