“No generation knows better than ours the terrible consequences of growing up without a father. Fatherless boys are far more likely to grow up and commit violent crime, mistreat women, and act out against society in every other way. Girls who do not have a father to honour — and, hopefully, to love as well — are more likely to seek the wrong men and to be promiscuous at an early ...

by Bill Muehlenberg Fatherlessness is a growing problem in the Western world. Whether caused by divorce and broken families, or by deliberate single parenting, more and more children grow up in Australia without fathers. Concerned groups have argued that a mother and father are crucial in the raising of children. Father absence has been shown to be detrimental to the well being of children. The following is a summary of the evidence for ...

Different personalities. Different upbringing. Different education. Different sexes. Sometimes different ethnic or religious backgrounds. With so many differences between us, is it any wonder that making decisions as a couple is complicated and sometimes conflictual? We unpack the SmartLoving framework for managing differences and making couple decisions. Byron and Francine Pirola have been married for 34 years, and between them, they have over three decades of experience in marriage and family ...

My together time with my daughters makes three people. When we are together, each of us brings our own measure of joy, mellowness, sanity, sorrow, silliness, delight, curiosity, affection, wonder and all the other hurdy-gurdy of emotions. Even though I try to have my dad radar tuned in to the emotions of two daughters, sometimes it can be a tough read. Tuning in and applying the right combination of daddy empathy ...

I’ve found a solution to my perceived marital problems: it’s easy, you can do this too. Have a night away with the man of your dreams (this is not a reference to Ryan Gosling). I’m talking about your husband – remember when you used to dream about him? It was right before you started washing his socks and reminding him where the laundry basket lives. One night away with my husband ...

When we look back on our early romance, we note how quick we were to trust each other, even recklessly so. We dived into the relationship with ready abandon and little thought for the risks of rejection or disappointment. Since then, our trust levels have strengthened in many areas, and declined in others, as we’ve experienced ups and downs in our relationship. It leads us to ponder: what builds trust between ...

Walk through any quality ’80s film, and the reoccurring theme is staying power. Daniel LaRusso, Rocky Balboa, Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo? Staying power. Axel Foley, Ripley (Aliens), John McClane, Mr Miyagi, and Maverick? Again, staying power. Add to this, characters played by some of the 80’s best female actors: Meryl Streep, Michelle Pfeiffer, Kathleen Turner, and Goldie Hawn. Their undeniable hidden strength is staying power. Look at the ...

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love requires a conscious decision and focused investment. Loving the Smart way is easy when you know how. Our romance was a whirlwind of delight and passion. Over an intense two years, we courted with a dedicated focus: from the very beginning, it was clear that we were discerning marriage. But even before we got to the altar, the sparkle of those initial ‘in ...

I wasn’t expecting that! We’ve explored how our formation in our family of origin continues to play out throughout our marriages. There are typically three ways in which our formation can pose challenges for us and today we explore the first of these: incompatible expectations. Growing up, Francine’s father was a retail pharmacist, with her mother working full-time raising the family and volunteering in the school and parish community. It was ...

It’s true! And now there’s a study that proves it. Finally, I have the ammunition I need to convince hubby that our next date night movie should be a rom-com, rather than an action flick. Researchers who conducted a study involving 174 couples found that those who discussed five movies about relationships over a month cut the three-year divorce rate for newlyweds in half. Superior Choice Okay, so the research is ...

Welcome to the marriage before carriage dads matter revolution! This was the brilliant bottom line in a series of posts written by Delano Squires this week. Marking USA’s Father’s Day, the dad of four and Heritage Foundation Fellow declared, “There’s no greater vocation than being a dad.” Dependency, power, plunder, and control are reasons why they don’t want men to be men. “There are a lot of people who want men ...

The proverb, “Good fences make good neighbours,” has a great deal of wisdom. The concept of having clearly defined boundaries helps us to develop healthy relationships. When people know the limits of what they can demand from a relationship, it allows all parties to enjoy it. Hidden agendas evaporate, and positive feeling in the relationship flourishes. Marriages also benefit from appropriate boundaries. In this case, the boundaries need to form a ...

At some point, every couple will have the Forever Conversation — the discussion that explores their long-term commitment. It’s no secret to anyone that the incidence of cohabitation has increased. In fact, a couple who hasn’t cohabited is increasingly rare, even in the Catholic formation circles where we work. For couples in these semi-permanent living arrangements, the natural progression of a romantic relationship towards marriage is slowed. Without the inconvenience of ...

In a fast-paced world, our attention is a rare and valuable commodity. Is your marriage suffering from attention deficiency? True confession: some evenings you’ll find us sitting on the couch with the TV playing, and us both on our laptops or other individual devices. We know — it’s not particularly noble and we have a sense of unease with it. But truly, movies and TV simply don’t seem to hold our ...

What makes for an epic marriage? A marriage that faces and transcends challenges and obstacles, that has an interior resilience and grace that comes from the God who is always ready to encourage us. We recently attended two weddings of close family friends. This time, a different part of the ceremony really stood out for us. It was the preamble the celebrant said immediately before the couple exchanged vows. N and ...

January 3 is known as ‘divorce day’ – the most popular day for women to file for divorce. Perhaps because they’ve held it together for the festive season but can’t keep up the charade any longer. Sadly, most men don’t see it coming. Going through life blissfully unaware that their partner is desperately unhappy. I recently read an article in Psychology Today called “7 Relationship Resolutions Worth Keeping”. I’ve decided my New Year’s resolution ...

Let’s face it – marriage is a tough gig these days. With divorce rates higher than we’d like, too many families are being torn apart by marriage breakdown. What can couples do to immunise their marriages against this tragedy? Marital resilience starts with a well-grounded understanding of what marriage is and what it isn’t. A lot of couples get themselves into trouble because they expect marriage, that is their spouse, to ...

A recent analysis of modern-day wedding vows reveals around a third of couples shunning the traditional commitment for life. According to the results, 34% dumped the phrase ‘until death do us part’. This really shouldn’t surprise us as the prevailing message young couples hear is that divorce is not only commonplace, it’s also to be expected. Understandably, many couples simply do not have confidence in marriage as a life-long proposition. So ...

If there is one thing that makes motherhood so worth celebrating, it’s a mother’s capacity for love for her children. Whether it’s her willingness to give over her body to nourish a newborn, her patience with the endless ‘but why’ questions of a toddler, or the testing rebellion of a teenager, mothers seem to have a special empathy for the heart of their children. But most mothers will admit that they ...

Over the previous columns, we have been exploring how our formation from our family of origin can continue to impact us and our marriage negatively. In this article, we want to unpack the third and final way our formation experiences play out – through emotional injuries. Some years ago, Francine purchased a new espresso machine. It came with two espresso cups which she stored in the cupboard for use with visitors ...