Marital health is about more than minimising conflict. If we want to go from ‘good’ to ‘better’, we need to capitalise on the positives. Most marriage counselling and education focuses on conflict and incompatibility. It seeks to help couples find constructive ways of dealing with challenges in the relationship. It’s a ‘damage control’ approach that seeks to minimise the impact of negative experiences. Conflict management and relationship repair are important skills ...

You can’t love what you don’t know. This saying has profoundly influenced our marriage and our faith. About once a decade, we book tickets to the opera in the expectation of a romantic date night brimming with artistic delight. We have to confess though, we usually come home vaguely disappointed. Not being particularly musical, we don’t understand the technical expertise. Nor do we know the traditions and history (or often the ...

Change is difficult. It can also be complicated. Despite our best intentions, sustained change often eludes us. We’ve had many spouses tell us that their husband or wife promised to change, and things were good for a while, but then there was a relapse. Their good intentions were not enough to sustain their energy for change. So what can we do when we really need a change to stick? What needs ...

“For an increasing number of long-term marriages, it’s no longer a case of ‘until death do us part,’ it’s a matter of until the children depart from the family nest,” writes Rachel Browne in a Sydney Morning Herald article, “Parents wait until children go, then do the same thing.” Suddenly finding your busy life full of activities attached to children, and a home in a constant state of noise, and endless ...

We have all no doubt heard the statistics regarding separation and divorce in this country — something like 30% of marriages end in divorce, and a huge number of Australian children are forced to cope with life after marital breakdown. The typical divorce scenario in Australia today is that mum gets custody of the children and dad (hopefully) gets access and an obligation to pay Child Support. Children from broken marriages ...

Have you ever experienced the situation when someone has apologised but, while the words were said it lacked something, making it difficult for you to accept it? Sadly, most of us are not as good at apologising as we need to be. We think that it’s obvious, should just be instinctual, or that our love should somehow make it magically work. Well, it isn’t obvious, and it is not instinctual. We ...

It’s one of the most powerful movie moments in history — in my opinion. Not because of special effects, cinematography, eloquent scripting or romantic fervour. It happened deep within the ruins of the World Trade Centre, during the 2006 Olive Stone movie of the same name. Sergeant John McLoughlin is trapped, losing all hope of rescue, when he has a vision of his wife. I can’t find it anywhere on YouTube, ...

It was 12:00am on Sunday, the 1st of September — Father’s Day, to be precise. There I was, frantically gathering clothes and bits ‘n’ pieces according to my wife’s somewhat disjointed instruction.  She was roaming about the house with a hot wheat sack across her rather overgrown abdomen. I couldn’t believe it. Had the moment finally arrived? After nine — closer to ten long months, was I finally going to be ...

Editorial Note: Songs capture moments and sometimes the moments live on. ‘Love is a Battlefield’ is such a song from the eighties that people still sing today and for good reason. The truth hurts and the truth heals. Listen if you dare. ~~~ We are young, heartache to heartache we stand No promises, no demands Love is a battlefield We are strong, no one can tell us we’re wrong Searchin’ our ...

One of the greatest challenges couples face in our contemporary age is the presumption of sexual excitement. When the romance wanes, marriages are at risk — but what’s a couple to do when passion is in decline? We’re all in favour of a vibrant and passionate sex life for couples — however, it’s not always easy to sustain the passion when domestic responsibilities make spontaneity and novelty an endangered species. Early ...

Believe it or not, any victory for mothers is also a victory for fathers, and ultimately for children. Sall Dover, a new young mother, after protesting on Twitter about the forced use of the Orwellian phrase “birthing parent”, has scored a victory for motherhood. It takes a man and a woman to create a child, and a mother and a father to raise a child. All the social science research shows ...

Keeping the flame of love alive in your marriage through the years, is the best gift you can give your children — a daily example of how to cherish their mother, no matter what life brings. “It will never happen to me”; “No way — too much fun to have”; “Hey boys, did you hear about Johnno getting hitched? (cue gasps of shock and unbelief)… he’s mad.” Who can remember as ...

We’ve been listening to Mike and Alicia Hernon’s podcast called Messy Families. One of their recurring messages for parents is: stop worrying about getting your kids to heaven — parenting is about helping you get there! When we first heard them say this it stopped us in our tracks. Mike and Lisa go on to explain: the reason motherhood or fatherhood is a vocation, is not to make our kids into ...

“How was your day?” It’s one of the most common questions couples ask each other and either leads to a dead-end response like, “fine” or “busy” (which usually means “I don’t want to talk about it”), or a long-winded description of meetings, frustrations, errands and other ‘busy’ stuff. It’s what we call a ‘data transfer’ conversation. Such exchanges are important for coordinating our lives and avoiding unnecessary misunderstandings, but they don’t ...

One of the great delights of running marriage enrichment retreats for couples is hearing all the amazing love stories. From beginning to end, every one of them has mystery, radical self-sacrifice and epic persistence in some capacity. We often joke that our own love story is more akin to a soap opera than real life, but after hearing hundreds of love stories, ours is really not that remarkable. Nonetheless, we are ...

How can a man kill his own beloved son? The murder of Luke Batty by his divorced father remains a haunting horror to this day. Yet, Luke’s mother Rosie recognised her ex-husband’s genuine affection for his son in happier times. On 12 February 2014, Luke Batty was killed by his own father. The event shocked me deeply at the time as a father. For many weeks after the event, I asked ...

Doing business requires finesse in communicating with your clients. Similar skills and strategies can be applied to your relationship with your spouse. Byron’s life-long career has been as an advisor to large companies on their strategic directions. As an outsider to the company trying to help its leaders make difficult decisions on their business strategy, he deals with difficult issues complicated by competing personal interests. Invariably, the advice involves change and ...

Being a mum can be a challenging role, but we parents have been entrusted with the vital task of raising the next generation, and it is totally worth it. Here are 5 life lessons about parenting and family life. 1. Tomorrow is a New Day! Cue little red-haired, ringlet-topped Annie singing, “The sun’ll come out tomorrow… so ya gotta hang on tïll tomorrow… I love ya Tomorrow! You’re always a day ...

No matter how easy it is to fall in love, staying in love requires attention and effort. Most people drift into love, marriage and family without a whole lot of conscious planning about the kind of relationship they want to have five, ten or twenty years down the track. Whether you are married, engaged or dating, it is never too late to be more intentional in your relationship. Being proactive in ...

Harvey MacKay said, “The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your relationships.” MacKay knows a thing or two. Harvey is a very successful businessman, married for over 50 years to his architect wife, with three children and eleven grandchildren. Harvey MacKay has sold over 10 million books about business and building a successful life. Interviewing Steve Smith for the Dads4Kids podcasts reminded me a lot of Harvey ...