When we look back on our early romance, we note how quick we were to trust each other, even recklessly so. We dived into the relationship with ready abandon and little thought for the risks of rejection or disappointment. Since then, our trust levels have strengthened in many areas, and declined in others, as we’ve experienced ups and downs in our relationship. It leads us to ponder: what builds trust between ...

2018 was a breakthrough year for me. The preceding few years had been particularly difficult, thanks to some bad decisions on my part, both in business and in my relationships. Looking back, I had fallen into passivity and failed to see the warning signs around me. Even when I was paying attention, I was slow to take action, and came close to losing my marriage and everything I had worked for. ...

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love requires a conscious decision and focused investment. Loving the Smart way is easy when you know how. Our romance was a whirlwind of delight and passion. Over an intense two years, we courted with a dedicated focus: from the very beginning, it was clear that we were discerning marriage. But even before we got to the altar, the sparkle of those initial ‘in ...

I wasn’t expecting that! We’ve explored how our formation in our family of origin continues to play out throughout our marriages. There are typically three ways in which our formation can pose challenges for us and today we explore the first of these: incompatible expectations. Growing up, Francine’s father was a retail pharmacist, with her mother working full-time raising the family and volunteering in the school and parish community. It was ...

by Dan Hart As the US celebrated Father’s Day recently, two recent studies confirm that fathers play a central role in the mental health and behaviour of their children. In a report that compared dozens of studies conducted between 1987 and 2022, the America First Policy Institute (AFPI) found “clear correlations between children raised in fatherless homes and developmental challenges ranging from bad grades, anxiety, and suicide to violent behaviour, drug ...

It’s true! And now there’s a study that proves it. Finally, I have the ammunition I need to convince hubby that our next date night movie should be a rom-com, rather than an action flick. Researchers who conducted a study involving 174 couples found that those who discussed five movies about relationships over a month cut the three-year divorce rate for newlyweds in half. Superior Choice Okay, so the research is ...

The proverb, “Good fences make good neighbours,” has a great deal of wisdom. The concept of having clearly defined boundaries helps us to develop healthy relationships. When people know the limits of what they can demand from a relationship, it allows all parties to enjoy it. Hidden agendas evaporate, and positive feeling in the relationship flourishes. Marriages also benefit from appropriate boundaries. In this case, the boundaries need to form a ...

At some point, every couple will have the Forever Conversation — the discussion that explores their long-term commitment. It’s no secret to anyone that the incidence of cohabitation has increased. In fact, a couple who hasn’t cohabited is increasingly rare, even in the Catholic formation circles where we work. For couples in these semi-permanent living arrangements, the natural progression of a romantic relationship towards marriage is slowed. Without the inconvenience of ...

Channing Tatum might be a lot of things on screen. Off-screen he’s a single dad, and the best-selling author of three children’s books. All three kids’ books were inspired by Tatum’s relationship with his own daughter, Everly. Central to the storyline is Ella (aka Sparkella), who, with the help of her dad, learns the value of acts like how to combat peer pressure, having patience, and telling the truth. Life Lessons ...

In a fast-paced world, our attention is a rare and valuable commodity. Is your marriage suffering from attention deficiency? True confession: some evenings you’ll find us sitting on the couch with the TV playing, and us both on our laptops or other individual devices. We know — it’s not particularly noble and we have a sense of unease with it. But truly, movies and TV simply don’t seem to hold our ...

On Friday afternoon, we went on a bushwalk with Byron’s work colleagues. Although we were with other people, we so enjoyed the time together. Walking is remarkably therapeutic for us… perhaps it’s the natural environment, or maybe it’s simply the absence of the constant phone, email and text distraction. Whatever it is, is not the point. It just feels strangely normal and earthy. Like we are stepping for a few hours ...

My kids and I were watching a Disney movie recently. In the movie, a dad who was coaching his child’s sports team yelled at his son. After the coaching session, the boy asked his Dad, “Why did you yell at me, but you didn’t yell at all the other kids?” His Dad yelled back in exasperation,  “I don’t care about the other kids.” I was struck by the irony of this ...

Yesterday we celebrated our daughter’s wedding to a wonderful man and family. Our daughter Kiara looked absolutely radiant with an interior joy; her now-husband Doug, was magnificent — strong, steady and adoring. Their evident love for each other lit up the church and the celebration that followed. As parents of the bride, we were afforded the opportunity to address the guests, and we thought we’d share some of our thoughts with ...

Anything worth having is never free. As Francine and I raced around on a typical Saturday afternoon, we found ourselves at the local shopping village together. Never one to waste the opportunity to gain a ‘good husband’ brownie point, I declared we should have a ‘coffee date’. Naturally, Francine obliged — she practically never says no to a ‘date’, no matter how pathetic. (Have I ever mentioned my “do you want ...

The most powerful influence on a couple is their family of origin. Good or bad, our experiences in our childhood prepared us for marriage. The young couple sitting opposite us had been married only a few years. They were experiencing some health challenges, but this is not what brought them to us; they were locked in a perpetual low-grade argument that never seemed to end. They were so ‘wired’, almost every ...

In a recent discussion at a youth conference, it was put to us by some of the participants that premarital sex was acceptable as long as it was a ‘committed’ relationship. Casual sex was seen to be inappropriate and perhaps dangerous, but if the couple were in a committed dating situation, then sex was okay. It sounds very reasonable and moderate, even mature; there is a certain sense of respect for ...

“A lot of men feel pressured by Valentine’s Day. They don’t like being expected to do something romantic for their wife or girlfriend on an arbitrary date on the calendar. They flinch when their mate drops hints in early February about what flowers or candy she prefers.” These are the words of Professor William Doherty, one of the world’s most recognised academic authorities on marriage and family. He was one of ...

A Pew study released mid-January suggests a majority of mums and dads in the United States are prioritising money over marriage. 90% of those quizzed about ‘aspirations’ for their children ‘prioritized financial independence and career satisfaction’ as numero uno. Material Success The Research Centre’s findings claimed that for a majority of parents, ‘it’s extremely or very important their children be financially independent when they are adults.’ Almost as ‘equally important’ for ...

What Are the Signs and What Do They Mean? In today’s dating scene, there is a great deal of confusion about commitment and what it means. Scott Stanley*, one of the foremost thinkers on commitment, suggests that the old ‘commitment phobia’ explanation doesn’t fully explain the dilemma in which dating couples find themselves. One reason for this is the confusion between ‘public displays of affection’ and ‘public displays of commitment’. We’re ...