Advent is a season of anticipation. The birth of any child, not least the Messiah, gives us cause for hope. Earlier this week, we heard the testimony of Chris and Natalie Stefanick, a couple who had journeyed through dark seasons in their marriage. Having survived sexual abuse as a child, Natalie found she needed many years of therapy and healing. She recounted one of her darkest times, when she doubted that ...

At our daughter’s recent award assembly, the school principal addressed the topic of ‘Growth Mindset’. She noted how education was more than merely preparing students for exams and aiming for maximum marks on their university entrance ranking. In a country where we have national examinations of all school children every two years from the age of seven, this is a somewhat radical position. The education system has always had its critics, ...

I have a confession to make. I’m a ‘marriage junkie’. Before I go any further let me warn you: this is a blast from the past in more ways than one. You see, I have written about this before, and I wish I could say I am getting better, but it is not the case. So why am I a marriage junkie and what exactly is a “Marriage Junkie?” Maybe it’s ...

‘Shhhh… not in front of the kids!’ We’ve all been there: In the car with a captive audience… or at the dinner table. An argument erupts and the question is: do you save it for later? Or just let it all out in front of the kids? Studies conducted at the University of Rochester, NY, found that it’s okay for your kids to see you argue, as long you work it ...

No matter how easy it may seem to fall in love, staying in love requires attention and effort. We all start out in marriage bright in hope and full of brimming love. Yet rarely do those wonderful, euphoric experiences of early love persist unabated; for many of us, disillusionment creeps its way into our consciousness as our natural selfishness and thoughtlessness crowd out our earlier bliss-generated generosity. With crushing realisation, we ...

There’s a curious thing that happens when a divorce touches a community. Where once parents, friends and siblings believed in the power of love and the permanency of marriage, confidence gives way to cynicism and uncertainty. Instead of believing that children do best when living in the same home with both their parents, we find ourselves saying: “The most important thing is that they know they are loved by both their ...

We remember sitting with a young couple who were locked in combat. She was prone to reactive outbursts and he was mystified as to what he was doing to trigger it. As we probed her about her family of origin, the penny dropped: she was repeating a relationship pattern that she had established with her mother. With this new insight, the couple was able to identify her conflict preconditions which equipped ...

In the age of instant news, judgment falls hastily. In marriage also, we are often quick to judge each other. Like most couples, over thirty-plus years of marriage, we’ve had quite a few misunderstandings. Sadly, many of these escalated to painful arguments where hurtful things were said, and our unity was damaged. The reason? We were too quick to judge. In almost every instance, one or both of us made a ...

There’s an old adage in the world of parenting advice: Kids spell LOVE as T.I.M.E. Kids don’t need things nearly much as they need a parent’s attention and availability. It’s a classic mistake that we make all too often; we give them stuff we’ve bought instead of the thing they most need from us — our interest and investment in them. Or we do things for them instead of with them ...

Lots of people think that dating (and being sexually intimate) with a number of different people before marriage is an essential part of forming a successful union. But is this kind of  ‘experience’ the best way to prepare for marriage? A lot of people think that having a few failed relationships is helpful in preparing them for marriage. Some even go so far as seeing the first marriage itself as a ...

As a parent, you have to be able to lead family discussions with a listening ear, respecting each family member’s point of view. From the diversity of opinions, in love you can forge a united course of action. Sincere agreement is vital for harmony and effectiveness. Many years ago, Dads4Kids convened Australia’s first-ever Fathering Forum in Federal Parliament in Canberra. Almost 30 different groups were represented. The one thing each group ...

I read a blog post recently from a husband who brought his marriage back from the brink with this one simple, daily habit. Each morning he asked his wife: how can I make your day better? The wife was suspicious at first and deliberately gave him tedious and demanding tasks, like cleaning out the garage, a task that took many hours to complete and which required him to cancel an engagement. ...

Research shows that there are some basic habits that combine to make a winning formula for families with successful, well-adjusted children who will flourish in life. “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated,” are the wise words of Confucius. Albert Einstein said it this way: “Everything should be made as simple as possible but not simpler.” And one final word of wisdom from Steve Jobs is, “Simple ...

I know that I gravitate to the happy, good things that each day of adventure delivers. Still, there are those occasional times when I struggle as great joy butts squarely up against sadness. I can have tears leak out while wearing a delighted smile. The simultaneous happy-sad thing doesn’t happen too often. Typically, it comes of wondering where my children are right now, wanting a moment to walk a bit with ...

Crammed schedules, kids to care for, a demanding boss, the ever-present television. No wonder our attentiveness to our couple relationship erodes over time, leaving us with less connection, less spark, and less intimacy. Without an active, intentional mindset, most contemporary marriages end up on ‘autopilot’. During courtship, our relationship is central in our awareness and the rest of our lives are in the background. We sink huge amounts of time and ...

Routines can be very useful in keeping our lives purposeful and organised. Rituals are like routines with one important difference — they have positive emotional meaning. Rituals connect us with others by providing a focus or activity that enables us to interact together in an enjoyable and meaningful way. Almost anything can become a ritual when we make the relationship the focus. For example, some couples check in with each other ...

In a culture that glorifies youth and sanctions the euthanising of the sick and elderly, it’s easy to lose sight of the gift of seniors. Here are three ways that senior couples make marriage better for all of us. Earlier this year, Pope Francis released a series of homilies on the elderly. Each one explores a theme based on a significant figure in the scriptures, including Naomi, Joachim and Anne, Simeon ...

While much in the way of traditional gender roles has shifted in modern times, most women I know still want a man who can be the rock in the relationship. But just what does being the rock entail? I asked this question in the Community, and this is what a few of the men had to say: Jamie said: “To me, that means being mature, guided by reason and my family’s best ...

Before we become fathers, we are free to live like children ourselves.  We work towards our own ends, we engage in relationships to satiate our own needs and desires, we enjoy leisure-some pursuits based entirely on what we enjoy. Fatherhood, by necessity, changes our focus and our lifestyle.  For myself, fatherhood was the precipitating factor in my finally and irrevocably, growing up.  I believe that most new fathers (and their partners!) ...

This Father’s Day, may fathers everywhere receive a big bundle of love from their children. May healing and reconciliation take place where required, and may fathers step up to their calling as loving dads and role models for their offspring. The team at Dads4Kids wishes all Dads, all over Australia, a happy Father’s Day. It is always a busy time for us with the release of our new Father’s Day TV ...