I’m thankful my childhood was pre-internet. Call me old-fashioned, but the 1980s and early 1990s were just different compared to today. Life seemed simpler back then, and it’s not just me – there are countless Reddit threads on the subject. A comment by KashiofWavecrest on one such post reminiscing about the ’90s sums up today’s sorry situation: “There wasn’t a tiny handheld device of constant misery able to be accessed 24/7.” Sad but true.

More than 90% of Australians carry so-called smartphones, and these little devices of distraction are not going away any time soon. It’s not all doom and gloom, though. To be fair, mobile phones are handy things for fast, efficient communication and many everyday tasks.

As fathers, we need to face the facts, recognise the dangers, and do our best to navigate the modern world as best we can. Not only for our own wellbeing, but also for our families to thrive.

My friend Paul Ninnes, author, co-founder and managing director of Real Talk Australia, is an expert when it comes to the realities fathers face. We recently had a raw, honest conversation about what our kids are being exposed to, how it’s shaping them, and what dads can do about it. Watch it here.

The scholar Jonathan Haidt, in his bestselling book The Anxious Generation, dissects the decline of youth mental health in the early 2000s and offers a plan for a healthier, freer childhood.

Haidt shows how “play-based childhood” began to decline in the 1980s, and how it was finally wiped out by the arrival of the “phone-based childhood” in the early 2010s. He presents more than a dozen mechanisms by which this “great rewiring of childhood” has interfered with children’s social and neurological development, covering everything from sleep deprivation to attention fragmentation, addiction, loneliness, social contagion, social comparison, and perfectionism.

Haidt’s summary:

Over-protection in the real world and under-protection in the virtual world are the major reasons why children born after 1995 became “the anxious generation”.

I encourage you to watch the 30-minute interview with Paul Ninnes. He’s a brilliant communicator and presents easy-to-digest concepts, excellent research, and practical steps parents can take. Paul offers some great ideas to empower our children for entering the virtual world. Here are four takeaways from the interview for fathers:

1. We need to recognise and confront the ubiquity of pornography. Putting our proverbial heads in the sand and pretending it doesn’t exist won’t help anyone. Paul points out that today, children see more sexual imagery in one year than their grandparents would have seen in their lifetime.

2. Recent research shows that exposure to porn, especially for children, has negative outcomes. In short, seeing it does way more harm than good. Paul makes the powerful point that if we’re watching or ‘using’ porn, it is in fact using us, due to the way it negatively affects humans, not just psychologically but also physiologically.

3. Us dads need to get our own sexual integrity in order. As fathers, if we’re not leading by example through our own lives, nothing we say to our children matters. If you’re struggling with porn, consider joining Paul’s excellent Stouthearted program, or click here to learn more about other resources we recommend.

4. Talk to your children, in an honest, age-appropriate way, about sex. As Paul says, “Parents should be talking to their children about sex before the internet or their peers do … It’s not just ‘the talk’, but a graduated, step-by-step process that introduces our children to notions of love and intimacy, where babies come from, and helping them develop critical thinking about what they’ll encounter online.”

Research shows a significant proportion of 8-year-olds have been exposed to internet pornography, so us dads need to get on the front foot in this area. In our interview, Paul shares some precious stories and explains some great tips and approaches parents can take to equip our children and help them thrive.

Lovework

Watch my chat with Paul Ninnes. Like and share it with your family and friends. Consider joining the Stouthearted program. As Paul says, “Dads, you’ve got what it takes! Work through your own stuff and be there for your kids.” It’s never too late for a fresh start. Make the changes needed in your own life and lead your family in love.

Speaking of fresh starts, this weekend we celebrate Easter, the most important holiday. My prayer is that amongst the Easter eggs and hat parades, you’re able to remember the resurrection of Jesus Christ three days after His crucifixion, His victory over death, and His promise of eternal life.

Yours for our children,
Nathaniel Marsh

P.S. Earlier this week, my colleague Jean Seah shared an excellent article from a Mother’s perspective. With April school holidays upon us, “Fun Around the Neighbourhood” offers some great ideas for mums and dads to get out and about with their kids.

P.P.S. If you’re encouraged by the work of Dads4Kids and can support our vision to help dads be the best they can be for their children, please consider making a tax-deductible donation here.

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Image courtesy of Adobe.