Somebody said it takes about six weeks to get back to normal after you’ve had a baby…
Somebody doesn’t know that once you’re a mother, ‘Normal’ is history.
Somebody said you learn how to be a mother by instinct…
Somebody never took a three-year-old shopping.
Somebody said being a mother is boring…
Somebody never rode in a car driven by a teenager with a driver’s permit…
Somebody said if you’re a ‘good’ mother, your child will ‘turn out good’…
Somebody thinks a child comes with directions and a guarantee.
Somebody said ‘good’ mothers never raise their voices…
Somebody never came out the back door just in time to see her child hit a golf ball through the neighbour’s kitchen window.
Somebody said you don’t need an education to be a mother…
Somebody never helped a fourth grader with her math.
Somebody said you can’t love the fifth child as much as you love the first…
Somebody doesn’t have five children.
Somebody said a mother can find all the answers to her child-rearing questions in the books…
Somebody never had a child stuff beans up his nose or in his ears.
Somebody said the hardest part of being a mother is labour and delivery…
Somebody never watched her ‘baby’ get on the bus for the first day of kindergarten, or on a plane headed for military ‘boot camp’.
Somebody said a mother can do her job with her eyes closed and one hand tied behind her back…
Somebody never organised four giggling Brownies to sell cookies.
Somebody said a mother can stop worrying after her child gets married…
Somebody doesn’t know that marriage adds a new son or daughter-in-law to a mother’s heartstrings.
Somebody said a mother’s job is done when her last child leaves home…
Somebody never had grandchildren.
Somebody said your mother knows you love her, so you don’t need to tell her…
Somebody isn’t a mother.
Why God made mums!
Answers given by 2nd-grade school kids to the following questions —
Why did God make mothers?
- She’s the only one who knows where the sticky tape is.
- Mostly to clean the house.
- To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
- He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
- Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
- God made my Mum just the same like He made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of?
- God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
- They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly are string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother, and not some other mum?
- We’re related.
- God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s mums like me.
What kind of little girl was your mum?
- . My mum has always been my mum and none of that other stuff.
- I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
- They say she used to be nice.
What did mum need to know about dad before she married him?
- His last name.
- She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
- Does he make at least $800 a year? Does he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mum marry your dad?
- My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my mum eats a lot.
- She got too old to do anything else with him.
- My grandma says that mum didn’t have her thinking cap on.
Who’s the boss at your house?
- Mum doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goofball.
- Mum. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
- I guess Mum is, but only because she has a lot more to do than Dad.
What’s the difference between mums and dads?
- Mums work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
- Mums know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
- Dads are taller and stronger, but mums have all the real power, ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s place.
- Mums have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mum do in her spare time?
- Mothers don’t do spare time.
- To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would make your mum perfect?
- On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
- Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mum, what would it be?
- She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
- I’d make my mum smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
- I wish for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
(From Abundant Life, December 2005, page 5.)
Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her son’s room, a mother finally laid down the law. Each item of clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents.
By the end of the week, he owed her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50-cent tip and a note that read:
“Thanks, Mum. Keep up the good work!”