Our daughter might be less than two years old, but the tantrums have arrived in full force.

One day, she was sweet and compliant — the next, sassy and defiant.

Truth be told, our little Squish is still sugar-sweet most of the time. However, her momentary meltdowns, unexplained upsets and frequent flops on the floor have put our parenting prowess to the test.

While we are far from experts on toddler tantrums, there is one principle my wife and I have agreed on in recent days: pick your battles.

We have realised that consistency is key. If we are to maintain some semblance of order in our household and help our daughter through her emotional storms, the battles we pick must be won — by us!

The flip side of this fact is that many battles don’t need to be fought at all. We want to avoid as many unnecessary power struggles as possible, and preserve our emotional energy for the battles that really matter.

Most of all, we don’t want to exasperate our little girl or create habits of resentment. After all, she’s not entirely sure what’s going on in the midst of her tantrums, either!

So, here are a few thoughts on how to pick your battles.

Know When to Let It Go

Just before I sat down to write this article, my wife pulled into the driveway with the kids. As usual, I went to help them inside — which is no small feat these days. But the moment Squish saw me, she protested loudly, resisting my attempts to unbuckle her from the car seat.

So, I let it go. Squish won the battle. But she also faced the natural consequence of waiting several extra minutes until my wife was able to get her.

This was the kind of battle worth surrendering. There are plenty more — clothing choices, minor messes, food preferences, insisting on doing simple tasks themselves, small changes to bedtime routines… the list goes on.

Learning to recognise these “toddler victories” and when to step back can make life easier for everyone.

Know When to Stand Firm

While some battles aren’t worth the fight, others are too important to ignore.

Safety is an obvious example — toddlers don’t yet recognise danger, so it’s our job to protect them. Some battles simply can’t be optional. With my daughter, I will always stand firm on holding hands near roads, wearing a seatbelt, keeping small objects out of her mouth, and climbing down from unstable furniture. These aren’t negotiable — they’re essential for keeping her safe.

Another example is issues of respect and character. We draw very firm lines when it comes to hitting, biting and throwing things in anger. And while Squish’s comprehension is still catching up, we consistently encourage her to use the words “please”, “ta” (Australian toddler slang for “thank you”) and “sorry”.

Healthy habits also need reinforcement. Teeth must be brushed, meals should be eaten with a reasonable effort, and bedtimes must be kept — protests or not. These aren’t up for negotiation; they’re essential for our child’s well-being.

As Christians, it’s also important to us to instil faith in our children — whether through praying together, attending church, practising honesty, or drawing clear lines between right and wrong.

Some Practical Tips

Consider a few more practical tips on picking your battles.

A simple question to determine whether a battle is worth fighting or not is, “Will this matter in a year?” If the answer is no, move on. If yes, stand your ground.

A simple rule for all situations is to stay calm and model self-control. In fact, over time, this may communicate more to your toddler than the content of your words.

And a simple de-escalator to use if all else fails is humour. My wife is an expert at this. Many times this week, I have heard a meltdown end in laughter. A tickle fight, a funny face, or a silly joke might be all it takes to avoid the battle altogether and live to fight another day.

How about you? What tips would you add? Let us know in the comments below.

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