It happened so quickly, I barely noticed the change. But all of a sudden, our little bundle of joy needs to be disciplined.

Squish is almost a year old. She is now extremely mobile, extremely curious, and extremely capable of expressing what she does and does not want. Every moment of the day, she is finding ways to test boundaries and assert her independence.

This is a good thing — it’s a crucial part of Elsa’s growth. But it also means that our role as parents has just moved up a gear (or three).

I am very aware that this point in a baby’s development represents a major fork in the road for parents. Here is where habits are formed, relationships are tested, and key battles are won and lost — maybe for years, maybe forever.

I am also convinced that parenting has to be about more than mere survival. I don’t want to just get through every day. Nor is my main aim keeping Elsa happy and safe, as important as happiness and safety may be.

My eyes are on the long game. I want to raise a daughter of virtue. My goal is that Elsa will inherit my values, be socialised to navigate situations with maturity, and have the confidence to make the world around her a better place.

(It is worth mentioning here that my Christian faith is both the reason for these aims and the means by which I hope to achieve them).

All of this can sound rather grandiose in the context of our now-common daily realities: tantrums, whining, hitting, and food flung on the floor.

But it is in our response to the minute-by-minute challenges that our child’s character is formed. Indeed, sometimes we only have a minute to respond before the crisis at hand has passed and the next challenge is upon us.

Toddlers are fast learners. They quickly work out how to get what they want from the adults in the room. As such, it is vital for the adults to have a toolbox of ready-made strategies to help keep things under control.

Here are the tools I have found most helpful in the early weeks of disciplining Squish.

1. Model

Make it your aim to model the kind of behaviour you want to see in your child.

In reacting to their misbehaviour, try to stay in control of your emotions, even if a firm tone or a sudden response is needed.

But this principle goes beyond fleeting. Try to model love in all of your interactions. Every strategy will be more effective when warm, nurturing relationships are the foundation of your home life.

2. Help

Sometimes, a toddler simply needs your help. They might be screaming out of frustration — because their leg is stuck, they need help standing up, or their ball rolled out of reach. They might be whining because their stomach is rumbling. They might be irritable because their nappy needs changing.

It’s always worth going through a mental checklist of your child’s needs before assuming they are acting up for the sake of it.

Responding to these needs is not the same as rewarding bad behaviour. It is an acknowledgment that your baby is still very dependent on you and that you are there to meet these needs.

3. Ignore

As I write this article, Angie, Elsa and I are on vacation with Angie’s parents. Let me tell you that Squish loves being the centre of attention. She has all four of us wrapped around her little finger — and she knows it.

The most obvious sign that our baby is enjoying the limelight is the cacophony of screams, squeals and other silly displays she is putting on for us, which we had not encountered until this trip.

Much of it is endearing. Some of it is attention-seeking, resistive or downright annoying. In such situations, ignoring Elsa has been the best solution. The more attention we give her for these performances, the more the performances keep coming. But when we act unfazed and attend to more important things, Elsa gets the point and finds something better to do.

4. Redirect

Redirection is a strategy I learned from Angie, who worked as a career nanny for over a decade. To redirect means to guide a child’s attention away from bad behaviours and towards more constructive behaviours, without the use of confrontation or punishment.

The principle behind redirection is that, when it comes to disciplining your child, not every hill is worth dying on — especially with a one-year-old.

There are so many rules and conventions that a child Elsa’s age does not yet understand. As parents, therefore, we need to choose carefully which rules to enforce at which times, and which to let slide.

Redirecting is a brilliant way of getting a child to behave without creating a scene that will ultimately benefit no one.

Is your child misbehaving? Change the subject entirely. Pick up a book and start reading. Take them outside to listen to the birds. Redirect them to a new toy or game.

This is not the only strategy to use, and it is certainly not the most important one either. But it’s worth keeping up your sleeve.

5. Confront

There is a time and place to confront bad behaviour. We are still learning which moments to choose, but we are learning quickly.

Yesterday, Elsa bit Angie. Angie stopped what she was doing and immediately told Elsa in a firm voice, “No biting!”

Likewise, Elsa has occasionally been scream-whining on car trips. When big outbursts have happened, I have occasionally told Elsa, “No!” in a similarly strong tone. She has not recoiled in fear, but she has quietened down, and I consider this an effective use of the strategy.

Our use of confrontation will no doubt develop as time goes on, and I will surely be writing more articles on the subject, so watch this space.

How about you? What strategies have you found helpful when disciplining your children?

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Image courtesy of Unsplash.

About the Author: Kurt Mahlburg

Kurt Mahlburg is Canberra Declaration's Research and Features Editor. He hosts his own blog at Cross + Culture and is also a contributor at the Spectator Australia, MercatorNet, Caldron Pool and The Good Sauce. Kurt is also a published author. His book Cross and Culture: Can Jesus Save the West? provides a rigorous analysis of the modern malaise in Western society and how Jesus provides the answer to the challenges before us. Kurt has a particular interest in speaking the truths of Jesus into the public square in a way that makes sense to a secular culture and that gives Christians courage to do the same. Kurt has also studied architecture, has lived for two years in remote South-East Asia, and among his other interests are philosophy, history, surf, the outdoors, and travel. He is married to Angie.

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