by Mr Harry Borden

I don’t think my father wanted children. He always said he felt like a failure. Early in his life, he’d had a brief and reckless marriage that ended before the birth of his firstborn, Jed. We had a solitary picture of Jed as a 10-year-old boy in our family album, but talking about him or the photo was discouraged.

In later life, when I’d visit my father with my own children, he would sit on the sofa stiff and irritated as my mum cooked Sunday lunch. He would turn up the TV volume as his grandchildren played around him. At best, he was distant; at worst, sullen and angry.

As a child, you accept things. We all have our own idea of normal. Witnessing my father’s interaction with my own kids prompted me to reflect on my relationship with him. It is possible that my book, Single Dad, is a way of exploring what I missed out on.

My life changed when I had children. I have four, the product of two relationships over 25 years. A catalyst for emotional growth, they’ve made me feel connected to the world and part of a greater whole. Everything is enlarged by the experience, including joy, but also fear. The perimeter of your being extends to include your children. You are afflicted with their suffering.

When my wife and I split, personal upset was eclipsed by a concern for how our decisions would impact on them. Thankfully, over time, family dynamics shift and, with kindness and love, things can heal stronger where they were once thought to be broken.

“Their stories reflect on fatherhood and the role men play in their children’s lives.”

The men whose portraits I took for Single Dad are the main carers for their children. In a world where Homer Simpson is an archetypal father, they confound the simplistic notion of fathers as ridiculous. I asked each of my subjects to write about how they became a single dad and what they enjoy about fatherhood.

Their stories are different, but all share a love and commitment for their children. They also reflect on fatherhood, and the role men play in their children’s lives and contribute to the ongoing debate about what it is to be a man, not least one who performs the vital task of bringing up his children.

Number One: Joss with Connie and Elmo

Joss with Connie and Elmo. Photograph by Harry Borden

“I raised my two children alone from the ages of six and one. My wife, the writer Suzy Hitching, discovered a lump while breastfeeding when Elmo was five months old. She then had surgery and extensive treatment for breast cancer and, following a four-year remission, against all odds, had the great fortune to get pregnant with Connie.

“When Connie was five months old, the cancer reappeared in multiple sites, and nine months later, she died. I’ve raised my children as a single dad ever since, and have puzzled out a way of working as a busy photographer with the real job of being a dad. On good days, I have pride and strength from knowing I have risen to a mighty challenge. On bad days, I just feel that wherever I am, there is not enough of me to go round.”

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Read the other four stories here. See the book info here.
Photo: Harry and Florian Borden