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During a recent media interview, Vice President JD Vance responded to a question about illegal immigration by invoking the Christian concept of ordo amoris or “rightly ordered love”.

First articulated by Saint Augustine (354–430), ordo amoris was further developed by Thomas Aquinas (1225–1274) in his “Summa Theologica”.

In short, according to ordo amoris, there is a natural hierarchy in how love and compassion are distributed — beginning first with family, followed by neighbours, community, fellow citizens, and then extending outward to the rest of the world.

Vance explained that by prioritising illegal immigrants, including people who have committed violent crimes, America had inverted the traditional order of Christian love. He argued that a rightly ordered immigration policy places the welfare of Americans first.

While Vance’s comments have inspired hearty political debate over the last week, I have mostly been reflecting on his articulation of ordo amoris as a husband and father.

Priorities

In fact, as I write these words, I am sitting at the hospital bedside of my wife, whom I brought to the emergency room today after her postpartum blood results showed very low iron and signs of bacterial infection. We’re still waiting to hear more about her condition.

The arrival of our second child has been a bumpy ride, to say the least. Two weeks later, we’re still facing many challenges.

Right now, if a stranger asked a big favour from me, I’d be very quick to say no. That’s not because I’m a horrible person, but because my wife and children need my full care and attention right now.

In fact, even if a neighbour, acquaintance or member of my extended family reached out to me for help today, there’s a good chance I’d turn them down, too. For a very close friend, I might make an exception.

Though I’d never heard the concept of “rightly ordered love” clearly explained until last week, I implicitly live by it. It’s common sense. In situations like the one my family is currently facing, it’s our only way forward. Arguably, ordo amoris is how all decent husbands and fathers navigate the world.

Of course, this is not to say a father should care only for his wife and children. In normal circumstances, we all have the capacity to show love and compassion to many others in the concentric circles around us.

It is for just such a reason that, several years ago, my wife and I packed our bags and moved overseas to Indonesia to serve voluntarily, establishing an early learning centre in one of the poorest and most remote parts of the country.

I mention this because, as someone who has not only loved those close to me, but made sacrifices to help the disadvantaged in far-flung Asia, I feel I have some authority to comment on the subject of ordo amoris.

First Things First

When we found out my wife was pregnant last May, we made the difficult decision to conclude our time overseas and return to Australia. There were many factors in our decision, but all of them centred on the lack of stability and permanence we had experienced for years on end and did not want to continue imposing on our two young children.

In that, too, we were practising ordo amoris. Now, as I sit in the hospital next to my wife and reflect on the difficulties of her birth experience, I am certain we made the right call by coming home!

Whether in big decisions or small, it’s not always easy to live by ordo amoris, but it is the right thing to do.

There is no shortage of fathers today who have prioritised other people and purposes — even good people and good purposes — above those entrusted to their care.

We don’t need more dads out to save or conquer the world. We need more fathers who order their loves rightly.

I don’t feel like a hero as I sit waiting in a hospital room, nor have I felt heroic this week as I’ve washed dishes, changed nappies or taken my little girl to playgrounds and swimming pools.

But to my wife and kids, I have been a hero this week, and right now, that’s all that matters.

___

Image courtesy of Adobe.

Published On: February 6th, 20250 Comments on Fatherhood and ‘Rightly Ordered Love’Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

About the Author: Kurt Mahlburg

Kurt Mahlburg is Canberra Declaration's Research and Features Editor. He hosts his own blog at Cross + Culture and is also a contributor at the Spectator Australia, MercatorNet, Caldron Pool and The Good Sauce. Kurt is also a published author. His book Cross and Culture: Can Jesus Save the West? provides a rigorous analysis of the modern malaise in Western society and how Jesus provides the answer to the challenges before us. Kurt has a particular interest in speaking the truths of Jesus into the public square in a way that makes sense to a secular culture and that gives Christians courage to do the same. Kurt has also studied architecture, has lived for two years in remote South-East Asia, and among his other interests are philosophy, history, surf, the outdoors, and travel. He is married to Angie.

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