In any relationship, especially in marriage, its strength and quality can be measured by the depth and sincerity of the intimacy we share. For any couple to have sustained and vibrant intimacy, one that increases in depth and meaning, proactive investment is required.
One way that couples can actively build connection and re-establish the excitement of sexual anticipation is through the ‘Connect Kiss’. This simple practice takes a mere 20 seconds a day: ten in the morning and ten in the evening.
One of the most important resolutions we can make is to give our marriages and relationships higher priority. The most vital and satisfying marriages are intentional. They don’t leave their relationship to chance, but actively foster habits which deepen their intimacy.
Without spending intentional, quality time with each other, we quickly get out of sync. When we do, our patience wears thin, our tones get harsh, and bickering over small things increases. The speed at which disconnect can occur always shocks me.
The most powerful influence on a couple is their family of origin. Good or bad, our experiences in our childhood prepared us for marriage. The young couple sitting opposite us had been married only a few years. They were experiencing some health challenges, but this is not what brought them to us; they were locked in a perpetual low-grade argument that never seemed to end. They were so ‘wired’, almost every ...
In a recent discussion at a youth conference, it was put to us by some of the participants that premarital sex was acceptable as long as it was a ‘committed’ relationship. Casual sex was seen to be inappropriate and perhaps dangerous, but if the couple were in a committed dating situation, then sex was okay. It sounds very reasonable and moderate, even mature; there is a certain sense of respect for ...
Commitment Phobia We’ve heard the phrase bandied around for years, but is it really as simple as someone being afraid of, or threatened by, making a commitment to his or her dating partner? Usually the ‘Commitment Phobia’ accusation is levelled towards the man in the relationship, with the related belief that it comes down to something genetically programmed on the Y chromosome! At the core of a person’s willingness to commit ...
You can’t love what you don’t know. This saying has profoundly influenced our marriage and our faith. About once a decade, we book tickets to the opera in the expectation of a romantic date night brimming with artistic delight. We have to confess though, we usually come home vaguely disappointed. Not being particularly musical, we don’t understand the technical expertise. Nor do we know the traditions and history (or often the ...
Start a "change reaction" in your relationship by changing yourself first. It’s easy to see how couples get stuck when ‘being right’ has become a habit. Clinging to our ‘right to be right’ is like gangrene in a relationship -- it eats away at our intimacy by destroying our willingness to be vulnerable and open with each other. Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over while ...
There are always ample opportunities to forgive others, especially in a marriage. But sometimes we don't know how. Consider three tips to help you forgive more easily in the context of a covenant relationship. We remember those long nights in the first year of our marriage. In the infancy of his career, Byron was often late home from work as he juggled the demands on his time. Initially, Francine was so grateful when ...
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