Many couples find the excitement of sex somewhat diminished within a few years of marriage. Their physical intimacy seems somehow perfunctory, unimaginative, even boring.

Soon, they are moving through life with regular sexual encounters but little connection. Some years on, even the regular sex may become less frequent and sometimes entirely absent.

One way that couples can actively build connection and re-establish the excitement of sexual anticipation is through the ‘Connect Kiss’. This simple practice takes a mere 20 seconds a day: ten in the morning and ten in the evening.

Using the rhythm of a typical workday, couples can use the beginning of their day apart and their reunion at day’s end as an opportunity to connect through a ten-second kiss. That’s all it is. A ten-second kiss twice a day.

Too Simple to be True?

Seems ridiculously simple, but the power of the Connect Kiss is substantial. Here’s why.

Firstly, kissing is known to stimulate the release of neurotransmitters associated with well-being and pleasure. It also stimulates the production of testosterone – the hormone responsible for sex drive. Thus, kissing can directly and positively influence our feelings for each other.

Moreover, a Connect Kiss before departure reframes our labour: no longer is it simply each of us pursuing individual careers, but us labouring in support of our marriage and family. Adulterous flirtation and day-long marital resentment are far less likely when we separate on the positive reminder of the other’s tenderness just a few hours before.

A Connect Kiss on reunion helps us transition from a day of independence to interconnection. It sets the tone for our time in each other’s presence, bringing our focus intently onto each other.

It establishes the sexual atmosphere in the home that makes marriage delightful rather than arduous, our physical intimacy exciting rather than routine.

So there it is: 20 seconds a day for a radically improved relationship. Even the busiest of couples can manage to Connect Kiss!


Originally published at SmartLoving. Photo by Vera Arsic.

About the Author: Byron and Francine Pirola

Married for 25 years, with 5 children, Byron & Francine Pirola are the founders and co-authors of the SmartLoving Series – marriage enrichment and marriage preparation courses designed to help build successful and resilient marriages. International speakers and authors of numerous articles on marriage, more than 3000 couples have attended their programs, workshops and conferences in Australia, New Zealand and Great Britain Byron & Francine are Executive Directors of the Marriage Resource Centre from which they run SmartLoving programs and produce digital resources. Francine graduated from Fordham University with a Masters in Religion and Religious Education. Byron is a founding partner of the strategic consulting firm, Port Jackson Partners Limited, and a Director of both listed and unlisted companies. He holds a PhD from the Commonwealth Centre for Gene Technology, Adelaide University.

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