I can categorically say American hip-hop group Salt-N-Pepa were never my jam. I’m more of an alternative rock kind of guy, but during my younger years, I do remember some juvenile friends and me snickering along to Salt-N-Pepa’s 1991 hit Let’s Talk About Sex.

Reading the lyrics now as a 45-year-old married man with five daughters, they’re surprisingly straightforward. Salt-N-Pepa are an all-female group, but Let’s Talk About Sex was composed by Haitian musician and hip-hop music producer Hurby Azor. The intro goes:

Yo, I don’t think we should talk about this
(Come on, why not?)
People might misunderstand what we’re tryin’ to say, you know?
(No, but that’s a part of life)
Come on

The song continues from there. To be clear, it contains some questionable content, but at the time, it was a refreshingly frank discussion about the positive aspects of sex and things to consider before indulging. Azor’s spot on that sex is a part of life. In fact, God created sex.

Here’s the thing: We do need to talk about sex, but the conversation needs to change. The challenge is for us, as men and fathers, to lead the conversation.

I was honoured to sit down recently with my dear friend Paul Ninnes, author, co-founder and managing director of Real Talk Australia. Paul and his team do amazing work across Australia, tackling topics that matter, using methods and stories that stick. They provide wellbeing, eSafety, relationship and sexuality education designed to equip and empower. Check out our conversation here.

The failures of the 1960s and ’70s so-called sexual revolution are well-documented. In a recent Substack post, Evie Magazine, a US-based publication dedicated to helping women harness their femininity, called for a new sexual revolution:

There is a new sexual revolution happening, and it looks nothing like the last one. The last one told women that casual sex with men who were not committed to them was liberating. That if it left you feeling empty, you just weren’t doing it right. That the solution to every broken sexual norm was to break more of them.

A lot of women listened, and a lot of women got hurt. They ended up more medicated and more lonely than any generation before them, having less sex than almost anyone before them, too. The old sexual revolution was a disaster.

Evie’s truth bombs continue:

The best the conservatives had to offer was the virtue of “restraint.” Who wants that? We’re seeing young women arriving at the conclusion on their own that neither side has been willing to say plainly: sex is one of the most exciting parts of being alive, and it’s insanely better with a man who is wildly, completely obsessed with you. A man who knows your body because he has made it his business to learn, and gives you the emotional safety to completely let go.

The answer to the failed sexual revolution is not less sex. It’s better sex. And the best, most fulfilling sex comes when you and your spouse commit to learning the art and science of pleasure.

Indeed. The art, science, and mystery of sex are topics that Paul Ninnes expertly covers in our interview, with a few laughs sprinkled in. For us men and fathers, we need to confront and, with grace, manage our sexuality to protect ourselves and those around us. Sexual integrity, pursuing honesty, exercising self-control, and treating ourselves and others with respect and dignity rather than as objects, is crucial.

To quote the great Dr Allan Meyer, another man well acquainted with the vital importance of sexual integrity:

If you care about people, if you care about women, and you care about children, then you’ve gotta care about coaching and encouraging men. Because how men behave is the key factor that influences everything.

Lovework

Watch the interview with Paul Ninnes. Like and share it with your family and friends. Consider joining the Stouthearted program. As Paul says, there is more. We can all improve when it comes to sexual integrity. Fathers, it’s up to us to show the way and lead our families in love.

Speaking of Stoutheartedness, Dads4Kids’ amazing founders, my parents Warwick and Alison Marsh, have been enjoying a well-earned break in beautiful New Zealand (pictured below).

With thanks to Dads4Kids’ Board and wonderful supporters, our heart is to appreciate and honour them for decades of selfless service. Their more than 50-year marriage and incredible, ongoing ministry are an inspiration to all of us.

Yours for sexual integrity,
Nathaniel Marsh

P.S. If you enjoy receiving weekly encouragement, insights, news, and interview videos every now and then from Dads4Kids, please consider supporting us on a monthly basis.

___

Image courtesy of Pexels.