When I was single, I had more downtime than I cared for.

Now, as a father of two very young children, I treasure any time I have alone.

I rarely use my downtime for leisure. More often than not, I take the opportunity to go for a run or a ride, work in the garden, or catch up on a long list of errands.

When I say that I treasure my downtime, it’s not that I’m trying to escape my family. Quite the opposite — I look forward to spending time with them at the end of a long work day. But every dad (and mum) needs time to step away from the relentless demands of everyday life and decompress, even if it is just to tackle a personal project or two.

In fact, it is only in such moments — driving alone, pushing the mower, or hitting a bike trail — that I am able to step back, gain perspective, and think strategically about my life, my family, and our big-picture goals.

In the world of business and leadership, this pause from the daily grind is often referred to as “working in versus working on” — categories popularised by Stephen Covey’s book The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People.

I have found that stepping away (working on) is how I gain the energy and focus to step back in and be all that I need to be as a husband and father (working in).

Another principle that relates here is that of the “man cave”. I may not have a literal man cave, but I try to find some alone time regularly because I understand how everyone in my family benefits from it.

Family Holidays

What’s true of an individual father is also true of a family. Families need time away together.

I was reminded of the importance of family downtime during a recent four-day holiday we took.

Any parent of young children will tell you that vacations with little ones in tow are hard work and far from relaxing. As the saying goes, a holiday with kids is just parenting in a different location — and I couldn’t agree more.

But family holidays are also a great deal of fun, and they create memories the whole family will treasure for years.

Most importantly, they allow parents to mentally step back from life, gain perspective, and think strategically about the big picture. Holidays are a chance for families to work on life, not just in it.

And that was the case for us last week. On that trip, my wife and I spent many long walks dreaming about what we hope to achieve in the weeks, months and years to come.

We discussed work, health, finances, family worship, and more.

Dreaming Together

The reason I’m confident that our discussions weren’t just idle chatter is that this approach has worked for us before. On past holidays, the hopes and dreams we hashed out very often came to fruition.

Some of our proudest achievements as a couple — travelling Australia’s east coast in a van, flipping a house in the United States, renovating our current home and yard, establishing an Early Learning Centre in Indonesia, and, most of all, adopting our daughter — started with long conversations on road trips, winery and cafe dates, or weekend coastal walks.

In other words, these accomplishments were possible because we intentionally stepped off the mouse wheel of everyday living to dream together about our big-picture goals — and, of course, because God ultimately made them happen.

These days, as parents of two young children, our dreams are a little more modest. But they are no less exciting, and they exist because we value downtime as a family.

You don’t need a big budget or extended vacations to make this happen. Simply carve out time for yourself and your family, and see what unfolds when you step back, dream together, and work on life — not just in it.

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Image courtesy of Adobe.