Our daughter has turned fiercely Mum-favourite. “No, Mummy do it” is now the constant refrain in our house. Here are a few strategies I used to help win back my daughter’s heart.

You know you’re in the thick of the toddler years when every little decision in life is vetted by a two-year-old.

Once-loved foods are now cast aside, daily routines must be executed with precision, and here’s the latest one in our household — everything has to be done by Mummy.

Whether it’s putting our daughter in her high chair, taking her out of her high chair, wiping her hands, changing her nappy, putting on her shoes… “No, Mummy do it” is now the refrain that echoes through our corridors.

I try not to take it to heart — I’m a grown man, after all — but it still stings a little when any time I spend with my daughter is punctuated by routine rejection.

When a Child Plays Favourites

It can also leave me questioning whether I’m present enough in her life. However, working from home means I’m about as present as a working dad can hope to be — no commute, plenty of interactions throughout the day, and quality time in the morning, afternoon and evening.

So, what gives? And where to from here?

As a starting point, I’ve found it helpful to frame my daughter’s current fixation as a step on her journey of independence. Her preference for Mum is less about either of us and more about her newfound delight in making choices of her own and exercising control. After having every decision made for her since the womb, I guess she’s earned a little freedom.

While this perspective eases the hurt, it doesn’t quite fix the issue — so here are a few strategies we’ve tried, concluding with the one that’s worked best.

Four Favouritism Strategies

First, if Mummy is around, I’ve been learning to bow out temporarily. This comes back to the principle of picking your battles, which I’ve written about previously.

Yes, ultimately this behaviour has to be rooted out and displaced by kindness, flexibility and good manners. However, trying to correct every instance of “No, Mummy do it” would spark constant conflict, drain the joy from life, and likely be futile at this age anyway.

So instead, I’ve been learning to step away in all but the worst cases.

Second, my wife has been giving me more responsibility for the “fun” things. When our daughter is about to get any icy pole, play with a new toy, or eat her favourite snack, Daddy is now the one who dispenses the goods. It’s a stroke of genius on my wife’s part and has been helping soften our toddler’s resistance.

Third, I’ve been harnessing the power of distraction. When a protest over Daddy’s help arises, I’ve been trying to change the subject, talk about something our daughter is interested in, or reorienting her to the next activity at hand. This isn’t a perfect solve, and I don’t always have the energy for it, but it’s another tool in the toolbox.

Finally, the big guns.

Last week, our daughter’s protests were getting so frequent — and frankly, annoying — that my wife and I decided it was time for a daddy-daughter date. It was a hot afternoon (we’re in America for the summer), so I took her out for frozen custard and a play at a new park.

With Mummy out of the picture, there was no one else to call on. And with the time dedicated to our daughter’s favourite activities, there was enjoyment and distraction galore.

But most importantly, I invested in her through quality, one-on-one time. We chatted, sang songs, laughed together – and she had my undivided attention.

The next day? It was all about Daddy. She hadn’t switched her preferences to me, but she’d stopped pushing me away, dropped her constant requests for Mummy, and asked for me regularly throughout the day.

Our date was a counterintuitive move. The natural instinct when someone rejects you is to reject them back. But I’m the adult in the situation, so I responded to my daughter’s rejection by drawing her close.

It wasn’t a permanent fix. A few days later, she was back to her old habits. But now I have a secret weapon — I know how to win back my little girl’s heart.

And going by how she’s been treating me today, I think it’s time for another date soon!

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Image courtesy of Pexels.