Is defensiveness crippling your relationship? Do you feel regularly on edge, reactive and punchy? While the intention of our instinctual reaction is to protect ourselves from harm, three things happen in a chronically defended state.
An intentional marriage that is loving and affirming, is a powerful way to heal the wounds of insecure attachment. It’s one of the great graces of marriage as we grow in attachment to each other by providing consistent and responsive care.
Defensiveness is a self-protective response to a perceived judgement, criticism, rejection, or risk of future disappointment. While it is a natural reaction, ironically, it rarely protects our hearts.
Why then, when we were in lockdown and spending so much more time together at home, were we not seeing improvements in our marital outcomes? We have a couple of theories...
Is the easy way always the best way? Or might we be called to something more than what we inherited from our families?
Too many New Year resolutions falter because they fail to address what really needs changing: the internal disposition that compels us into unwanted habits. A few years ago, we received a letter from an irate reader. We were tempted to point out his clear misinterpretation that led him to conclude almost the direct opposite of our intent. But we recognised in his words the wounded heart of a person imprisoned by ...
Start a "change reaction" in your relationship by changing yourself first. It’s easy to see how couples get stuck when ‘being right’ has become a habit. Clinging to our ‘right to be right’ is like gangrene in a relationship -- it eats away at our intimacy by destroying our willingness to be vulnerable and open with each other. Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over while ...
Taking a pause and practising restraint in the midst of conflict allows you to identify how old wounds are being triggered by the current situation, and re-focus in order to resolve the conflict peacefully, repairing the relationship and deepening your love. It happens all the time -- one of us does or says something and it triggers a harsh reaction. To break the habit of reactivity, try this mindfulness tool to ...
The role that involved fathers play is vital. The opposite is also true: uninvolved fathers can cause significant wounds. But even these wounds can be redeemed to help others. “An engaged and loving father is the most powerful man-making force on the planet,” writes Earl Hipp in his perceptive article titled Healing the Absent Father Wound. He goes on: The opposite is also true. When fathers are absent, physically or emotionally, the ...
Dear God, help me to write when I am looking at an empty page. Dear God, help me to be a better person, a better father, a better friend, a better husband. Dear God, help me to become whom You want me to be. Dear God, help me to like Spongebob Squarepants reruns. https://youtu.be/TKmaDtXc0vc Dear God, help me not to get cranky when my daughter leaves a mess wherever she ...
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