The power of forgiveness can bring even the most broken marriage back to life. One spouse willing to take the first step is sometimes enough.  

Are you building your kids up or wearing them down? Discover practical ways to become the dad who makes his children feel safe, known, and loved.

In contemporary Australian society, fathers are increasingly depicted as insignificant or inherently flawed within family life. This cultural trend, often described as 'dad bashing', reflects a broader pattern of diminishing the value of fatherhood.

Parents are our first educators because we learn through them how relationships work, and that forms the foundation for our adult relationships. No matter how wonderful our families are, they’re all limited and wounded somehow – it’s part of the human condition. The reality is, we’re being formed from childhood for both good and for trouble. 

Every-day offences and deficits in our character make it necessary for every couple to practise mercy as a regular, even daily habit. When we fail to do this, minor upsets accumulate into overwhelming piles of resentment and shame that seem to be insurmountable.

Rightly or wrongly, arguments happen. Whatever the trigger, according to author and therapist Sue Johnson, arguments between lovers are essentially a ‘protest against disconnection’. The subtext of every argument is a question: Do you care about me? Love me? Know me?

As we work more with couples, and get more life experience under our own belt, we’re gaining better insight into why forgiveness is so elusive. Here are some of the reasons why people commonly resist forgiveness.

Is defensiveness crippling your relationship? Do you feel regularly on edge, reactive and punchy? While the intention of our instinctual reaction is to protect ourselves from harm, three things happen in a chronically defended state.

An intentional marriage that is loving and affirming, is a powerful way to heal the wounds of insecure attachment. It’s one of the great graces of marriage as we grow in attachment to each other by providing consistent and responsive care.

Defensiveness is a self-protective response to a perceived judgement, criticism, rejection, or risk of future disappointment. While it is a natural reaction, ironically, it rarely protects our hearts.

Why then, when we were in lockdown and spending so much more time together at home, were we not seeing improvements in our marital outcomes? We have a couple of theories...  

Is the easy way always the best way? Or might we be called to something more than what we inherited from our families?

Too many New Year resolutions falter because they fail to address what really needs changing: the internal disposition that compels us into unwanted habits. A few years ago, we received a letter from an irate reader. We were tempted to point out his clear misinterpretation that led him to conclude almost the direct opposite of our intent. But we recognised in his words the wounded heart of a person imprisoned by ...

Start a “change reaction” in your relationship by changing yourself first. It’s easy to see how couples get stuck when ‘being right’ has become a habit. Clinging to our ‘right to be right’ is like gangrene in a relationship — it eats away at our intimacy by destroying our willingness to be vulnerable and open with each other. Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over while ...

Taking a pause and practising restraint in the midst of conflict allows you to identify how old wounds are being triggered by the current situation, and re-focus in order to resolve the conflict peacefully, repairing the relationship and deepening your love. It happens all the time — one of us does or says something and it triggers a harsh reaction. To break the habit of reactivity, try this mindfulness tool to ...

The role that involved fathers play is vital. The opposite is also true: uninvolved fathers can cause significant wounds. But even these wounds can be redeemed to help others. “An engaged and loving father is the most powerful man-making force on the planet,” writes Earl Hipp in his perceptive article titled Healing the Absent Father Wound. He goes on: The opposite is also true. When fathers are absent, physically or emotionally, the ...

Dear God, help me to write when I am looking at an empty page. Dear God, help me to be a better person, a better father, a better friend, a better husband. Dear God, help me to become whom You want me to be. Dear God, help me to like Spongebob Squarepants reruns.   Dear God, help me not to get cranky when my daughter leaves a mess wherever she goes. ...

Do you struggle with behaviours that you can’t change, and can’t understand where they come from? Or perhaps you still harbour guilt and shame, or blame yourself for not having a father in your life? The impacts of being fatherless at some key point in our lives can have devastating consequences that we might not even be aware of. Listen to Jack Thurston’s story and his proven solutions to the impacts ...

Back by popular demand, Darren Lewis shares the 5 essentials for guiding your sons into authentic manhood. How can a 29-year-old male be married and have 3 kids, and only then discover that he wasn’t really a man? That was the experience of former Queensland Father of the Year and founder of Fathering Adventures, Darren Lewis. Darren realised he had no vision for manhood, fatherhood and husbandhood. What we cannot define, ...

Yes, you can learn to father. Hear from 86-year-old Clive on how he went from having no relatable dad in his life to becoming the pivot around which many from inside and outside of his bloodline proudly call him ‘dad’. How do you learn to be a father when you have not had a good example from your father? Can you just trust instinct? Is that enough? And when you decide ...