Last night, I sat down on the couch with a cup of tea. Spotting what I had in my hand, Squish walked over, reached out her hand, and announced, “Hot!” But she didn’t touch my mug. She kept her distance, feet firmly planted where she was, and arm outstretched.

This impressive display from Elsa reminded me just how mouldable children can be. For many months, we have patiently taught our daughter to pay attention to hot objects and treat them with caution. All our coaching and example-setting have clearly paid off.

Children pick up on everything, and they are masters at mimicking. Whether or not you interviewed for the position, you are your child’s role model. Nothing will change that — so the choice now is what kind of example you will set for them.

At sixteen months, Squish is at an age when her ability and desire to mimic is almost a constant feature of daily life. We use this to our advantage when it comes to teaching her language, and we have a lot of fun with it when being silly with her, whether dancing or pulling faces.

What we are quickly learning is that setting examples for our daughter to mimic works both in the positive and the negative — what we should do and what should avoid doing.

Downsides

Let’s start with the negative.

One of Squish’s favourite words right now is “NO!” We have no one to blame for this but ourselves.

“No” is an important word to use with young children, of course, but we are now very conscious of overusing it, and we’re actively looking for alternative ways to express the same idea.

Phones are another example. I’m not sure about other toddlers, but ours is drawn to screens like a magnet. That’s a bad combination when so many daily tasks require us to use our phones, even while minding our children.

Our solution has been to rarely touch our phones in the presence of Squish. If we do, it’s just for essential tasks, and out of eyeshot wherever possible.

If Elsa sees us spending our spare moments scrolling on phones or watching TV, she will assume it is completely normal and do the same. There will come a time when screens are inevitably a bigger part of her life, but that time is not yet, so the example we set now is crucial.

Upsides

What about the positive examples that we set?

Although Elsa hasn’t yet grasped the idea of God, we have begun teaching her the habit of saying grace before meals. She now knows how to fold her hands, close her eyes, and say “Amen” at the end of prayers.

The whole routine is extremely cute, but more importantly, it is laying the foundation for her to understand that God is the giver of good gifts and that we are thankful for what He has given us.

How my wife and I interact in front of Squish is important too. Fortunately, we have a peaceful marriage and we resolve our differences maturely and quickly. Even so, there are choices to make each day about how we interact in front of Elsa — whether we demonstrate patience, kindness and service.

We are also conscious of showing each other affection in front of Squish. We want her to see that we love each other — and that she is safe in our family because our family is held together by love.

Parenting is an intentional vocation. Every word we speak, every action we take, and every habit we form leaves an imprint on the little ones watching us.

By being mindful of the example we set — both in the habits we encourage and the behaviours we avoid — we’re not only guiding our children’s actions today, but also building the foundation for the kind of person they will grow up to be.

The goal isn’t perfection, but consistency and grace. It’s the ordinary moments that will have extraordinary significance.

___

Image courtesy of Unsplash.