Strong marriages are built on shared dreams, not silent sacrifices. Discover why speaking your hopes aloud can deepen unity, strengthen trust, and help couples flourish together.

Earlier in our marriage, I had an occasional nightmare that in our twilight years, my wife Rita would turn to me and say, ‘Everything I gave up for you and the kids was worth it.’

Why was that a nightmare? Because that would mean I failed. That I didn’t know who she really was — her deepest desires.

I’m confident that married couples need to be in the business of sharing dreams. Bringing out the best in each other. Lifting each other up.

That is, a husband or wife should expect to experience joy when a spouse identifies their “good works”, as described in the Bible in Ephesians 2:10, “For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.”

Marriage Thrives on Shared Dreams

Yes, there will be sacrifices, but it’s mutually beneficial. It’s win-win. Rita’s victories and accomplishments become my victories and accomplishments. And vice versa.

That’s why our Father in Heaven puts such value on marriage. Multiple times the Bible talks about husbands and wives “becoming one flesh.” (Genesis 2:24, Matthew 19:6, Ephesians 5:31, 1 Corinthians 6:16) That’s how and why marriage works.

Let’s apply this idea to real life. Husbands or wives… can you imagine yourself saying:

“I think I want to quit work and stay home with the kids.”
“What if we opened our own restaurant?”
“Let’s visit Paris.”
“I’m thinking about writing a book.”
“What if I ran for City Council?”
“I think God is calling me to full-time ministry.”
“I’d like to build a boat.” 
“Let’s have another baby.” 

Could you share those dreams right out loud with your life partner?

The Danger of Unspoken Desires

Too many married individuals keep their dreams unspoken. And that’s a red flag. Harbouring secret dreams can be divisive to your marriage. You’re plotting and planning ways to make your dream come true. Finally, when you’re ready to take action, you spring it on your husband or wife, who responds, “What! Where did that come from?”

As a result, you become resentful and argumentative. Which isn’t quite fair, right? You’ve been thinking about this for months or years. And your spouse heard it for the first time fourteen seconds ago!

Dream Together, Grow Together

The best recommendation is to kick around your dreams early and often. Even dreams that are silly, ambitious, or impossible. The result will be a great conversation. Or a reality check. Or an unexpected new idea that spins off your idea and eventually comes true.

Or maybe your spouse has been thinking the exact same thing. And you both quit your jobs and open that Motorised Bicycle rental business in Key West, Florida. If that’s the case, let me know, and Rita and I will be your first customers.

With love and gratitude,
Jay

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(Much of this post is excerpted from Chapter 40 of my book, 52 Things Wives Need from Their Husbands).
Image courtesy of Pexels.