We remember sitting with a young couple who were locked in combat. She was prone to reactive outbursts and he was mystified as to what he was doing to trigger it. As we probed her about her family of origin, the penny dropped: she was repeating a relationship pattern that she had established with her mother. With this new insight, the couple was able to identify her conflict preconditions which equipped ...
In the age of instant news, judgment falls hastily. In marriage also, we are often quick to judge each other. Like most couples, over thirty-plus years of marriage, we’ve had quite a few misunderstandings. Sadly, many of these escalated to painful arguments where hurtful things were said, and our unity was damaged. The reason? We were too quick to judge. In almost every instance, one or both of us made a ...
There’s an old adage in the world of parenting advice: Kids spell LOVE as T.I.M.E. Kids don’t need things nearly much as they need a parent’s attention and availability. It’s a classic mistake that we make all too often; we give them stuff we’ve bought instead of the thing they most need from us -- our interest and investment in them. Or we do things for them instead of with them ...
Lots of people think that dating (and being sexually intimate) with a number of different people before marriage is an essential part of forming a successful union. But is this kind of ‘experience’ the best way to prepare for marriage? A lot of people think that having a few failed relationships is helpful in preparing them for marriage. Some even go so far as seeing the first marriage itself as a ...
As a parent, you have to be able to lead family discussions with a listening ear, respecting each family member's point of view. From the diversity of opinions, in love you can forge a united course of action. Sincere agreement is vital for harmony and effectiveness. Many years ago, Dads4Kids convened Australia’s first-ever Fathering Forum in Federal Parliament in Canberra. Almost 30 different groups were represented. The one thing each group ...
I read a blog post recently from a husband who brought his marriage back from the brink with this one simple, daily habit. Each morning he asked his wife: how can I make your day better? The wife was suspicious at first and deliberately gave him tedious and demanding tasks, like cleaning out the garage, a task that took many hours to complete and which required him to cancel an engagement. ...
Research shows that there are some basic habits that combine to make a winning formula for families with successful, well-adjusted children who will flourish in life. “Life is really simple, but we insist on making it complicated,” are the wise words of Confucius. Albert Einstein said it this way: “Everything should be made as simple as possible but not simpler.” And one final word of wisdom from Steve Jobs is, “Simple ...
I know that I gravitate to the happy, good things that each day of adventure delivers. Still, there are those occasional times when I struggle as great joy butts squarely up against sadness. I can have tears leak out while wearing a delighted smile. The simultaneous happy-sad thing doesn’t happen too often. Typically, it comes of wondering where my children are right now, wanting a moment to walk a bit with ...
Crammed schedules, kids to care for, a demanding boss, the ever-present television. No wonder our attentiveness to our couple relationship erodes over time, leaving us with less connection, less spark, and less intimacy. Without an active, intentional mindset, most contemporary marriages end up on ‘autopilot’. During courtship, our relationship is central in our awareness and the rest of our lives are in the background. We sink huge amounts of time and ...
Routines can be very useful in keeping our lives purposeful and organised. Rituals are like routines with one important difference -- they have positive emotional meaning. Rituals connect us with others by providing a focus or activity that enables us to interact together in an enjoyable and meaningful way. Almost anything can become a ritual when we make the relationship the focus. For example, some couples check in with each other ...
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