At our daughter’s recent award assembly, the school principal addressed the topic of ‘Growth Mindset’. She noted how education was more than merely preparing students for exams and aiming for maximum marks on their university entrance ranking. In a country where we have national examinations of all school children every two years from the age of seven, this is a somewhat radical position. The education system has always had its critics, ...
Before we become fathers, we are free to live like children ourselves. We work towards our own ends, we engage in relationships to satiate our own needs and desires, we enjoy leisure-some pursuits based entirely on what we enjoy. Fatherhood, by necessity, changes our focus and our lifestyle. For myself, fatherhood was the precipitating factor in my finally and irrevocably, growing up. I believe that most new fathers (and their partners!) ...
We’ve been listening to Mike and Alicia Hernon’s podcast called Messy Families. One of their recurring messages for parents is: stop worrying about getting your kids to heaven -- parenting is about helping you get there! When we first heard them say this it stopped us in our tracks. Mike and Lisa go on to explain: the reason motherhood or fatherhood is a vocation, is not to make our kids into ...
“How was your day?” It’s one of the most common questions couples ask each other and either leads to a dead-end response like, “fine” or “busy” (which usually means “I don’t want to talk about it”), or a long-winded description of meetings, frustrations, errands and other ‘busy’ stuff. It’s what we call a ‘data transfer’ conversation. Such exchanges are important for coordinating our lives and avoiding unnecessary misunderstandings, but they don’t ...
We’ve been hearing from many of our SmartLoving leaders around the world looking for help in supporting couples under stress. There’s certainly a lot of stress going around with pandemic-induced changes and uncertainty. It got us reflecting on marital resilience -- the ability of a relationship to endure and persevere through difficulties. There is quite a bit of information on personal resilience, and it’s a buzzword in education these days, but ...
We all understand that our marriages go through their ups and downs, but we often don’t appreciate that they also go through fundamental reconfigurations over the years. We have come to realise that we have actually had several marriages already in our 28+ years together. For example, there was the ‘newlywed marriage’ where we were building a new life together, living overseas and redefining ourselves as a couple. There was the ...
Marriage is the coming together of two individuals, with natural differences. Loving honesty in communication helps us to grow together as one. What seems hard in marriage is often doing us good. A few weeks ago, we were invited to attend an event featuring Jordan Peterson. Curious to see this Canadian psychologist and academic, who was touring Australia with sell-out audiences, we took up the offer. One of the questions put ...
Married life, like your career, take effort and investment. For resilience in your marital relationship, don't expect your spouse to fulfil your every want; instead, learn to love them and grow with them through the ups and downs of life. A healthy and realistic perspective is the basis for a solid marriage. Let’s face it -- marriage can be a tough gig these days. Living in a culture that almost expects ...
Parenting comes with so many challenges. But the biggest challenge of all is stopping to enjoy the joys – the 'sweet spots' – of parenting. This year has been one of the most challenging years of parenting for me. In some ways, I assumed this year would be easier because Esther would be at kindy, and I’d only have Maggie and Phoebe at home. But it can be hard keeping a ...
Can you be overly protective of your wife and kids? How do you walk the balance between care and responsibility? That is the topic of Real Talk 4 Real Men episode #27. Are you confident that you are preparing your young adults well for handling the responsibilities that come with adulthood? Have you prepared your wife to be able to live well without you, should you suddenly be taken off this ...
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