by Anna Barren

Recently, I dated a man a few times who, as I quickly learned, was opposed to marriage. He pointed out that the legal binding of a marriage puts the man in a very vulnerable position, one in which if – or he would say when – a divorce occurs, his home, children, and livelihood are all at stake.

Courts overwhelmingly favour women in these cases, and men typically get the short end of the stick: huge alimony payments, child support, and minimal custody rights. Things are so lopsided that women now are more incentivised to divorce their husbands than help mend a marriage.

These points are all important and fair. Despite their validity, they conceal a deeper, underlying issue, namely, a strong cultural prejudice against marriage itself. It’s not worth the gamble, the thinking goes. It’s pointless. An unnecessary hassle. All risk and no reward.

In a time when the view of marriage has shifted from a lifelong vow with responsibilities and duties to a feelings-based contract, marriage can really seem devoid of worth. Yet this viewpoint is incorrect and even dangerous. Though there are risks, marriage is a good worth pursuing for both the individual and for our culture at large.

Marriage as a Cornerstone of Family 

Because it governs the birth and rearing of children, marriage is a fundamental unit of all society. While marriage has secondary purposes, its primary one is procreation, precisely because that’s what distinguishes marriage from any other relationship. And so, the definition cannot be changed, nor is its worth dictated by the times. To disconnect marriage from the teleology of children introduces challenges to the institution, making it about mere companionship.

Yet children are one of the greatest blessings of life. The opportunity to see the world anew through the eyes of your child, to pass down family stories and life wisdom, to give yourself in love to another – these are just some of the wonders children provide to their parents.

Of course, children also bring some of the greatest challenges in life, which is why they require a man and a woman to handle it. The feminine is the yin to the masculine yang. Both have strengths the other lacks and having the converse perspective is a beautiful advantage, one which should not be understated.

The responsibilities of marriage, which protect children, also come with marital rights towards one’s spouse and children. The stability and security a spouse and children provide, especially in old age, is one of the overlooked fruits of marriage.

A married two-parent household is the best environment for children and the spouses involved. They will rate higher in life fulfillment, future stability, and positive experiences.

Fostering Intimacy 

Marriage serves another purpose: the cultivation of sexual relations. Unlike what we’ve been brainwashed to believe since the Sexual Revolution, promiscuity doesn’t deepen your ability to connect, enhance your sexuality, or contribute major benefits to our culture.

When it comes to sex, concepts like “free love” and “having fun” are playing with fire. We’re not just autonomous beings safely led by our whims and feelings. We are rational animals with passions that remain unbridled unless we learn to control them.

Marriage is a positive outlet for sexuality: a passion which ought not be repressed, but redirected properly for the sake of the individual and society.

Unfortunately, many have bought the lie that sexual satisfaction is about quantity over quality. Thanks to being inundated with hook-up culture for decades, many are left with a completely impersonal, objectified view of each other. Rather than seeing a significant other as a relationship with a person, it’s seen as a liability or a means to an end – and in the long run, no happily-ever-after will come from that.

On the contrary, statistics show that sexual fulfilment rates are highest among married couples. Deep, long-lasting intimacy requires vulnerability, and that can only be reached through the sense of safety that results in trust. No marital substitute can fit that bill.

Life-partners, situationships, and long-term hookups are all ultimately escape routes, objectification of persons, or the coward’s way out. That exit door, propped open in the back of your mind, will always hinder real intimacy.

Like any deep relationship, marriage demands a profound level of vulnerability and dependency, and with that comes the possibility of deep pain. But the permanence, commitment, and trust of marriage are intended to handle that sort of pain as well.

Marriage is not easy, nor is it ever perfect. In fact, marriage has always been a risky game. Yet to say it’s not worth the risk makes for a cynical premise and a selfish conclusion. There are plenty of risks, but the rewards – which require effort and perseverance – will far outweigh them.

While the fight for a true and good marriage can seem like an uphill battle, choosing a mate who is a comrade in that fight and believes in the worth and treasures of marriage will make all the difference.

Today’s difficulties don’t mean we should throw marriage away. In fact, life shows that it’s the toughest goals that are usually the most worth pursuing.

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Republished with thanks to Intellectual Takeout. The republication of this article is made possible by The Fred & Rheta Skelton Center for Cultural Renewal. Image courtesy of Adobe.