A divorced dad is usually ordered to be the noncustodial parent. Generally, this means he gets to share the first, third, and fifth weekends of each month with his kid – about 14 percent of the child’s life. Yet time is all we really have with our offspring.

Some parents may have 100 percent, some 86 percent, and some 50 percent or less. But once the childhood years are gone, they’re gone. Lucky is the mother or father who appreciates every day they can spend with their child.

We must make every moment count. The man who gets to spend only 14 percent of his time with his son must devote 100 percent of his energies towards the boy during the time that he has. It’s the only way to make a difference.

A Father’s Bond Begins Before Birth

Ideally, a father should begin bonding with his child before birth. A woman may feel funny talking with her foetus – like she’s talking to herself. But a man can bring his mouth inches away from the embryo and talk to his baby. His deep voice will resonate into the uterus, and the baby will respond.

Like most new fathers these days, I was present at the birth of my son. The first thing the nurse said when she saw him was, “He’s got beautiful feet.” And she was right – one sole was smooth and one wrinkled.

Because Charlie was in a transverse position, he came out like Caesar. His head was the last to leave the womb. I fought the urge to help the doctor bring him into the world. Charlie’s face was calm; his eyes clear and bright when I first saw him. They cut the umbilical cord, and he howled.

“Charlie,” I called. Surprised, he stopped crying and turned toward me. I know he recognised my voice from the countless times I talked to him in the womb.

I gently rubbed his side as he contentedly dozed under the warm light. Then Charlie suddenly startled – and he grabbed my hand with both arms. I fell in love!

This love has strengthened me – and him – in the years since. It has kept our bond strong even after his mother and I divorced; even after my son and I became every-other-weekend ‘visitors’ with each other.

The Precious Years We Cannot Get Back

Childhood is a series of good-byes. I’ve had to say bye-bye to that babbling baby, cheerio to a creeping crawler, and toodle-loo to my toddler. At age four, he could feed and dress himself and use words. Rather than just cuddling him or rubbing his back, I could now tell him how much he has crept into my heart.

“Where was I born?” he asked one day.

“Right here in San Antonio,” I replied.

        “No, where was I born?”

“At the Methodist Hospital.”

        “Mummy said I was born in her tummy.”

“Yes, that’s right.”

        “Mummy said only girls can have babies.”

“Men can have babies too.”

        “Daddies can’t have babies.”

“Sure, they can.”

        “But not in their tummy.”

“No, in their heart.”

        “How did I get into her tummy?”

“Uhh… I put my heart next to her heart…”

        “And then you put me in her tummy?”

“Yes, yes, that’s right.”

        “Why?”

“Because we loved each other and we wanted a baby to love.”

        “So, you had me?”

“Yes.”

        “You still love me?”

“Yes, I do, with all my heart!”

        “I love you too!”

Love That Lasts a Lifetime

I made the most of the 14 percent of time I had with Charlie, and I gave it 100 percent. The first, third, and fifth weekends of each month, though, are not enough time to sustain a relationship. To help us stay connected, I wrote a poem for Charlie when he was three years old. He enjoyed it so much that he memorised it, and we were able to share a connection every night. I call it “Daddy’s Dream”.

Though I’m not there to turn off the light,
To tuck you in and kiss you goodnight,
To read a book, or get you a drink,
It’s you I love, and of you I think.
If you were here, I’d give you a squeeze,

And ask if you could give me one please.

So to the day we’d say our good-byes.

As we lay down and we close our eyes.

Now Charlie is 33 – with kids of his own. And our bond is as close as ever. Happy Father’s Day to the dads and kids at Dads4Kids.

I hope you make every moment count!