A recent study has found that couples without kids are much happier in their marriage than those with kids. Should I be worried? Thankfully, the same study showed that mums were happiest of all, but dads were amongst the unhappiest — perhaps because of the strain parenting has put on their marriage. Nothing can really prepare you for how much life changes after your baby arrives: sleepless nights, the relentless advice ...

Communication is fundamental to our relationships and the flourishing of families. If we want to do it well, there is a science, art and spirit to communication. We all like to think of ourselves as good communicators. Unfortunately, what that usually means is: I have lots to say and I’m not afraid to say it! That’s because a lot of people equate being talkative with good communication. In truth, effective communication ...

Different personalities. Different upbringing. Different education. Different sexes. Sometimes different ethnic or religious backgrounds. With so many differences between us, is it any wonder that making decisions as a couple is complicated and sometimes conflictual? We unpack the SmartLoving framework for managing differences and making couple decisions. Byron and Francine Pirola have been married for 34 years, and between them, they have over three decades of experience in marriage and family ...

When we look back on our early romance, we note how quick we were to trust each other, even recklessly so. We dived into the relationship with ready abandon and little thought for the risks of rejection or disappointment. Since then, our trust levels have strengthened in many areas, and declined in others, as we’ve experienced ups and downs in our relationship. It leads us to ponder: what builds trust between ...

Walk through any quality ’80s film, and the reoccurring theme is staying power. Daniel LaRusso, Rocky Balboa, Indiana Jones, Luke Skywalker, and Han Solo? Staying power. Axel Foley, Ripley (Aliens), John McClane, Mr Miyagi, and Maverick? Again, staying power. Add to this, characters played by some of the 80’s best female actors: Meryl Streep, Michelle Pfeiffer, Kathleen Turner, and Goldie Hawn. Their undeniable hidden strength is staying power. Look at the ...

Falling in love is easy. Staying in love requires a conscious decision and focused investment. Loving the Smart way is easy when you know how. Our romance was a whirlwind of delight and passion. Over an intense two years, we courted with a dedicated focus: from the very beginning, it was clear that we were discerning marriage. But even before we got to the altar, the sparkle of those initial ‘in ...

I wasn’t expecting that! We’ve explored how our formation in our family of origin continues to play out throughout our marriages. There are typically three ways in which our formation can pose challenges for us and today we explore the first of these: incompatible expectations. Growing up, Francine’s father was a retail pharmacist, with her mother working full-time raising the family and volunteering in the school and parish community. It was ...

It’s true! And now there’s a study that proves it. Finally, I have the ammunition I need to convince hubby that our next date night movie should be a rom-com, rather than an action flick. Researchers who conducted a study involving 174 couples found that those who discussed five movies about relationships over a month cut the three-year divorce rate for newlyweds in half. Superior Choice Okay, so the research is ...

The proverb, “Good fences make good neighbours,” has a great deal of wisdom. The concept of having clearly defined boundaries helps us to develop healthy relationships. When people know the limits of what they can demand from a relationship, it allows all parties to enjoy it. Hidden agendas evaporate, and positive feeling in the relationship flourishes. Marriages also benefit from appropriate boundaries. In this case, the boundaries need to form a ...

At some point, every couple will have the Forever Conversation — the discussion that explores their long-term commitment. It’s no secret to anyone that the incidence of cohabitation has increased. In fact, a couple who hasn’t cohabited is increasingly rare, even in the Catholic formation circles where we work. For couples in these semi-permanent living arrangements, the natural progression of a romantic relationship towards marriage is slowed. Without the inconvenience of ...

In a fast-paced world, our attention is a rare and valuable commodity. Is your marriage suffering from attention deficiency? True confession: some evenings you’ll find us sitting on the couch with the TV playing, and us both on our laptops or other individual devices. We know — it’s not particularly noble and we have a sense of unease with it. But truly, movies and TV simply don’t seem to hold our ...

What makes for an epic marriage? A marriage that faces and transcends challenges and obstacles, that has an interior resilience and grace that comes from the God who is always ready to encourage us. We recently attended two weddings of close family friends. This time, a different part of the ceremony really stood out for us. It was the preamble the celebrant said immediately before the couple exchanged vows. N and ...

January 3 is known as ‘divorce day’ – the most popular day for women to file for divorce. Perhaps because they’ve held it together for the festive season but can’t keep up the charade any longer. Sadly, most men don’t see it coming. Going through life blissfully unaware that their partner is desperately unhappy. I recently read an article in Psychology Today called “7 Relationship Resolutions Worth Keeping”. I’ve decided my New Year’s resolution ...

Let’s face it – marriage is a tough gig these days. With divorce rates higher than we’d like, too many families are being torn apart by marriage breakdown. What can couples do to immunise their marriages against this tragedy? Marital resilience starts with a well-grounded understanding of what marriage is and what it isn’t. A lot of couples get themselves into trouble because they expect marriage, that is their spouse, to ...

A recent analysis of modern-day wedding vows reveals around a third of couples shunning the traditional commitment for life. According to the results, 34% dumped the phrase ‘until death do us part’. This really shouldn’t surprise us as the prevailing message young couples hear is that divorce is not only commonplace, it’s also to be expected. Understandably, many couples simply do not have confidence in marriage as a life-long proposition. So ...

When we understand our sexual differences, we are empowered to use them constructively to build great relationships.  We’ve always maintained that our differences are something to celebrate; that they allow us to more deeply appreciate the unique contribution we each make to our shared life. We can be different, with differing abilities in various areas, without that detracting from our dignity or worthiness. Difference does not mean unequal. To adapt an overused ...

If there is one thing that makes motherhood so worth celebrating, it’s a mother’s capacity for love for her children. Whether it’s her willingness to give over her body to nourish a newborn, her patience with the endless ‘but why’ questions of a toddler, or the testing rebellion of a teenager, mothers seem to have a special empathy for the heart of their children. But most mothers will admit that they ...

Over the previous columns, we have been exploring how our formation from our family of origin can continue to impact us and our marriage negatively. In this article, we want to unpack the third and final way our formation experiences play out – through emotional injuries. Some years ago, Francine purchased a new espresso machine. It came with two espresso cups which she stored in the cupboard for use with visitors ...

We were recently hosted overnight in the country home of friends. It was a beautiful experience in every way. Our hosts greeted us with warmth, housed us in a tastefully appointed bedroom and nourished us with a delightful meal. Their home was a beauty to behold; magnificent views overlooking the valley, landscaped gardens and an immaculately clean interior. Dust is a daily challenge in most bush homes, but you wouldn’t know ...

We had a request recently from someone looking for a prayer for a couple going through tough times in their marriage. While we were very happy to oblige, it struck us that for many couples in this situation, prayer is often far from their thoughts, and yet, it is one of the most effective interventions for a troubled marriage. Dr Frank Fincham, Director of the FSU Family Institute, conducted a study ...