by Larry Stockstill

Next month is my 49th anniversary.

The other day, Melanie and I were talking about marriage.  She made an amazingly helpful statement about marriage or any relationship:

“Marriage is a line. On one end is ‘selfish’, and on the other end is ‘selfless’.”

Being served is on one end, and serving is on the other.

The relationship will never work if both people are selfish and want to be served.

When both people are selfless and serving, the relationship HAS TO WORK.

Here are five areas that will bring new life to any and every marriage:

1. Communication

“Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus.” That famous book tells it all.

Men and women look at life differently: men tend to see all logic, while women see logic and feelings.

It’s going to take work to communicate.

Don’t be selfish in communication. Seek to understand more than to be understood.

You CAN make it work if you patiently listen.

2. Honour

Honour looks past the person to the position they hold before God.

We can’t just demand to be honoured (and you should be honoured). We have to show and give honour.

You can try it in your marriage.

Let your spouse know how honoured and special they are, even at their worst.

Serve them with honour. Watch the miracle happen.

3. Standards

Most men and women have different standards.

I’ve been told that women average 300 things in their bathroom, and men average 10!

They have a way of loading the dishwasher, cleaning floors, and wiping surfaces that usually surpass the man’s standard.

Can you receive feedback from a spouse with a different standard?

Keep serving. Keep serving even when they go back and “fix” everything you do.

Do your best to change to another person’s standard. Be unselfish and watch their heart change.

4. Margins

This fourth part of serving is not easy either.

It has to do with staying “level”.

The bubble in a level doesn’t lie.  Those two little lines show if it is still “level”.

Margins are time spent together: date nights, family nights, vacations, and morning coffee.

It’s quality time where you sacrifice yourself and your time for the others in your life.

Maintain those margins. If you get selfish, you will want all your time to yourself. Selflessly sacrifice your time for those you love.

5. Heart

Divorce is because of “hardness of heart”, Jesus said.

Relationships live on forgiveness.

Years of hurt can build up resentment and rejection.

Keep serving those you love by forgiving them the moment they offend you.

This is selflessness in the way Christ demonstrated on the cross:  “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do.”

Work on these five areas.

Move them down the “line” from SELFISH to SELFLESS.

Marriages and relationships can work if you work at it.

That’s how we’ve made it these 49 years.

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Republished with thanks to Larry Stockstill. Image courtesy of Adobe.