Parenting can be so all-consuming that we end up disconnected from other parents who need our support and who can support us. We end up becoming a band of lonesome chiefs with no communal village. How can mothers connect and support one another more during these vital years?

Do you have a village to help you raise your family?

I’ve noticed a trend with many mums (myself included) that there are more chiefs than villages. In other words, more mums are doing life on their own and raising their families without the support of a village.

In many cases, the “village” shrinks to the family unit itself, because that is all such mothers have time for.

I don’t think we were meant to experience life this way. We need a village to not only help raise our children, but to lift ourselves up when we’re feeling low.

Reaching Out for Connection

I’ve been thinking about the health of my family’s village recently. I could blame it on the pregnancy hormones and insomnia, but there have been days where I have struggled.

I’ve struggled to find joy. I’ve struggled to keep it together when the house turns into a bomb site. I’ve struggled to get dinner on the table because I am exhausted from the day’s activities.

On those days where I have struggled, I’ve longed for a text message from a friend or someone to say, “Hey, I’m thinking about you.”

But often, it doesn’t come because I’ve been living like a chief, and I don’t reach out. Chiefs are self-sufficient and will usually shrug their shoulders and get on with what needs to be done.

I’ve learned in the past that when I start to feel disconnected and isolated, it’s up to me to change things, and so I will send a text message to my close friends to organise a catch-up. But sometimes, I have a little voice that likes to sow a seed of doubt into my heart by saying, “Why are you the first one to make a move?”

That is where the devil can get a foothold into your mind. He wants to harden your heart to live life like a chief and not as part of a village.

Some Practical Advice

When was the last time you sent a text message to a friend to tell them you were thinking of them? When was the last time you rang a friend to check how they were going? When was the last time you dropped a home-cooked meal to a mum for no reason other than to give her a night off cooking? When was the last time you helped a friend?

Some practical ways of building your village can include spending time going to playgroups or mothers’ groups and catching up with mums outside of these organised activities. I also find going to a church helps build a stable village too.

If you currently live life as a chief, I’d encourage you to start living as part of a village. You will feel less secluded and always have a community that will have your back when life has an unexpected turn.

How is the health of your village? Or do you revert to living life as a chief?

Originally published at The Plumbette. Image via Unsplash.