Every marriage needs role models, couples to look up to and imitate – usually parents. But for young people raised without stable, marital role models, mentors can fill the gap, offering hope and guidance.

 

How can we inspire young people to embrace stable, loving marriages when so many grow up without seeing them?

We’ve all heard stories that stop us in our tracks. One that sticks with us is about a teacher in an inner-city U.S. primary school who discovered her students didn’t know what a wedding was. Not one had seen a marriage up close.

So, she staged a mock wedding in class – complete with a bride, groom, celebrant, and bridal party. The kids were captivated, and through this playful exercise, she showed them that marriage could be a worthy goal for their future.

These children, all from single-parent homes in a disadvantaged community, had no marital role models in their families or neighbourhoods.

That was twenty-five years ago, and at the time we thought it was a rare case tied to extreme disadvantage. But then, just last year, a priest in regional Australia shared that over half the kindergarteners in his parish school had parents living at separate addresses.

The reality hit us: married, two-parent families are no longer the norm in many communities.

The Shifting Landscape of Family

For most of human history, families began with two married parents. Single-parent homes were usually the result of premature parental death from illness, complications of childbirth, workplace accidents or war.

Today, however, single parent households are more likely to form via relationship breakdowns or unplanned pregnancies outside marriage. Raising children has always been hard, but it’s even harder for solo parents who face the challenges with determined courage.

Yet, there’s an important conversation to be had: what happens to children when they grow up without a healthy marriage model?

Absent a committed, loving marriage in their childhood home, children miss out on a blueprint for building their own stable relationships. This deficit can persist into adulthood, affecting how they approach love and commitment.

Why Role Models Matter

We all need role models to guide us – whether it’s a teacher shaping our minds, a coach pushing us to excel, or a mentor steering our career. These figures inspire and guide us to define and achieve our goals.

In relationships though, the most powerful role models are usually our parents.

When our parents share a secure, loving bond, we internalise that stability as normal and it becomes the foundation for our own relationships. They naturally and informally mentor us as we mature and navigate intimate relationships and family formation.

But when we grow up without that example – or worse, with unstable, chaotic models – we can miss that foundation, and marriage isn’t normalised as an achievable goal, yet alone a positive one.

Without seeing them in action, it’s hard to learn the ‘craft’ of relationships – the give-and-take, the forgiveness, the perseverance. It leaves us vulnerable to unhealthy patterns in our own relationships.

This ‘role model deficit’ often manifests in struggles with dating, a fear of commitment, and to delaying marriage altogether. Unintentionally, however, these reactions increase the likelihood of forming future single-parent families, rather than reducing it.

It’s a cycle we’re seeing more often, and it’s one we, as a Catholic community, are called to address.

Stepping Up as Marital Mentors

So, how do we break this cycle?

We believe our best hope is mentoring. For young people raised without stable, marital role models, mentors can fill the gap, offering hope and guidance.

Grandparents often naturally step into this role, sharing wisdom and modelling positive, stable relationships for their grandchildren. But it’s not just grandparents – we all have a part to play.

As Catholics, we hold marriage as a sacred vocation, a Sacrament that reflects God’s love. If we want to see marriages flourish, we need to step up as mentors for those in our community: our youth, engaged couples, newlyweds, and those in struggling marriages.

In a culture that devalues the Christian ideal of marriage, the odds are stacked against us. That’s not a reason to give up; it’s a reason to step up! To offer hope and support to those in our immediate influence.

By faithfully living our marriages as God intends, and sharing that witness with extended family, neighbours, and friends, we become organic marital mentors. And it teaches; that a loving, stable marriage is not just a dream – it’s a goal they can achieve.

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Republished with thanks to SmartLoving. Image via Adobe.