It was a beautiful Christmas Day. Nine-year-old Jonathan had been playing with his toys. His mother motioned him to get up and come to the front door.

“Why, Mum?” he said. “I haven’t even opened my other presents.”

“Don’t dilly-dally,” his mother said. “You have to say goodbye to your father.”

Jonathan exclaimed, “What do you mean goodbye? Dad only got home last night. Why is he leaving us now on Christmas Day?”

His mother answered, “I can’t answer your questions, son. Just come out the door and say goodbye.”

Jonathan went outside on the front verandah and stood there with his brother and sister as they waved goodbye to their father for the last time as he drove away.

This is a story I heard at the Dads4Kids Men’s Summit from one of the men in my band of brothers group. I asked permission to share it. He said yes!

 

My Story

Jonathan’s story (not his real name) blew me away. His simple narrative hit me like a ton of bricks.

Perhaps it was the way he told us his story. He started by telling us about his early years as a child in a very matter-of-fact manner.

When he came to the part about Christmas Day and his dad leaving for the last time, Jonathan’s voice choked with feeling and his eyes filled with tears.

He could hardly get the words out as his chest heaved with emotion. I was crying. I think most of the guys in my group were too. I didn’t look around to see.

Perhaps it touched me because Jonathan’s story was vaguely similar to mine. Dad never left, but Mum did.

Mum took me and my younger brother away from my dad time after time after time. Mostly we never got to say goodbye. I remember many years later my dad told me how he came home from work one day. The house was cleaned out and we were gone. He didn’t know where. He was a broken man.

It got to the point that we thought as children that it was normal to live away from your dad. Didn’t everyone live with their grandmother away from their father when they were younger?

It got to my turn in my group to share about my early years. By this time, I was again fighting the tears back myself.

I told the men how one day when I was ten and my brother was eight, we were called into the school principal’s office in Milsons Point in Sydney.

Our mother was there along with a man in a suit from the Child Welfare Office. They told us we were both going to be put in a boys’ home in Bowral on the Southern Highlands.

My brother and I simultaneously burst into tears and screamed. “NO WAY! We want to be with Dad. We want to be with Mum and Dad. You are not taking us away from our dad.”

We both had a good set of lungs. I think we cried and yelled for over an hour with loud protests and strong tears.

Perhaps it was the thought of all the other separations where we did not have a chance to speak. We were both devastated to hear of their plans. Thankfully they gave up and showed us back to class.

I am certain that if we had not cried and lamented so vociferously, we both would have been taken away and probably would never have seen our father again. The Family Law Act had not yet been introduced, but the legal system was still tainted with bias against the male of the species even then.

I could not hold the tears back either as I shared the story of my childhood with my band of brothers. Even today I have tears falling on the keyboard as I type.

Healing Men’s Souls

You see, we all have these stories inside of us, and if we don’t tell them, we will never know the depths of our pain. If we don’t understand our pain, how can we be healed?

If we cannot be healed of our own pain, how can we heal others? And more importantly, how can we be good fathers to our children?

You see, healing often comes as we share our stories with other men, who will listen without judgment. I know Jonathan felt better after sharing his story. Some parts he had never shared before.

Jonathan’s openness helped me share my own story in the small group. His healing helped trigger my healing.

Nat, as the new CEO of Dads4Kids, is carrying on the tradition at the Men’s Summit by helping create a safe and sacred space for men to be themselves and share their stories in small groups.

We passed out anonymous feedback forms at the Men’s Summit. When we asked what was the most valuable thing they would take away from the Men’s Summit, one man said, “The need for men not to be silent.” Another man said, “The small groups after the speakers.”

When we asked what men appreciated most about the summit, the answer came up time and time again: “The sense of brotherhood amongst men in my small group who love and accept me just as I am.”

In many ways the small groups are the beating heart of the Men’s Summit.

Yes, the speakers are great. Yes, the music is great and the food as well. Yes, the giant swing is great, but it is the newfound friends in the small groups who genuinely care and are willing to listen who bring the healing for the masculine soul.

Lovework

Yes, book in for next year’s Men’s Summit, but better still, seek out a men’s group somewhere in your neighbourhood now. Don’t wait for 12 months. Some options include: Men’s Sheds, Men’s Table, church-based men’s groups and Shed Happens.

You can always create your own. I helped start a men’s group 26 years ago and we still meet every Friday for breakfast and prayer. As Robert Louis Stevenson said, “No man is useless while he has a friend.”

Yours for great friends,

Warwick Marsh

P.S. The annual Dads4Kids Men’s Summit is on 13–15 August 2027 at The Tops Conference Centre, Stanwell Tops, NSW. Watch this short TV Men’s Summit Documentary for more info. Join us in a beautiful bush setting with other like-minded men and be inspired by great keynote speakers. Dr Allan Meyer, founder of the Valiant Man course, will be back along with Eric Agyeman, founder of the Royal Hood. Best price now! Book now here.

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Image via Adobe.