The power of forgiveness can bring even the most broken marriage back to life. One spouse willing to take the first step is sometimes enough.  

Every-day offences and deficits in our character make it necessary for every couple to practise mercy as a regular, even daily habit. When we fail to do this, minor upsets accumulate into overwhelming piles of resentment and shame that seem to be insurmountable.

Every marriage has conflict. Two imperfect people sharing a home and dealing with all the pressures of modern life? It’s inevitable! But conflict doesn’t have to be destructive.

Rightly or wrongly, arguments happen. Whatever the trigger, according to author and therapist Sue Johnson, arguments between lovers are essentially a ‘protest against disconnection’. The subtext of every argument is a question: Do you care about me? Love me? Know me?

What we call each other and how we address each other impacts the sense of trust and safety in our relationship. Let’s make the names we use for each other a blessing.

Disagreements and tension with our children’s mother can’t help but spill over into how we relate to our kids. Our words and actions (or our inaction) can have powerful consequences for our families and children.

Pride is profoundly I-centred. It defends our threatened ego by diminishing the other and consequently puts distance between us. Humility is the foundation of harmony and love between husband and wife. It helps us get the focus off winning and onto each other.

In one simple sentence, Dr Johnson nailed the foundation of couple arguments: “Arguments are a protest against disconnection.” It revolutionised our interactions.

Couples who go the distance in marriage are those who have learnt to repair early and often. They still have disagreements, tiffs, and other challenges to their connection, but they catch it before it escalates.

Contempt has been identified as a corrosive relationship pattern among couples headed for bust. An expression of despisal, contempt is the toxic cousin to criticism.

When conflict arises in a marriage, it’s not uncommon for us to seek validation for being upset. So, we look for ways to strengthen our case and justify our complaint against the other.

Is the easy way always the best way? Or might we be called to something more than what we inherited from our families?

No one likes being in an argument. Arguments stir up intense emotions and can leave us feeling misunderstood and wounded. Yet, not all arguments are equal. Arguments mean different things in different circumstances. An argument is defined as a work of persuasion. We use arguments to convince others of our point of view. Well-thought arguments are crucial to social discourse and an important tool in workplace decision-making. When we make a ...

When we look back on our early romance, we note how quick we were to trust each other, even recklessly so. We dived into the relationship with ready abandon and little thought for the risks of rejection or disappointment. Since then, our trust levels have strengthened in many areas, and declined in others, as we’ve experienced ups and downs in our relationship. It leads us to ponder: what builds trust between ...

When it comes to marriage, relationships and arguments, there are a lot of myths out there. Here are five of the most common. Myth 1: Good Couples Don’t Argue The presence or absence of arguments is not a good indicator of the health of a marriage. Some couples who don’t argue are living detached, parallel lives. They’ve essentially checked out of the marriage and have given up caring. These couples are ...

The most powerful influence on a couple is their family of origin. Good or bad, our experiences in our childhood prepared us for marriage. The young couple sitting opposite us had been married only a few years. They were experiencing some health challenges, but this is not what brought them to us; they were locked in a perpetual low-grade argument that never seemed to end. They were so ‘wired’, almost every ...

‘Shhhh… not in front of the kids!’ We’ve all been there: In the car with a captive audience… or at the dinner table. An argument erupts and the question is: do you save it for later? Or just let it all out in front of the kids? Studies conducted at the University of Rochester, NY, found that it’s okay for your kids to see you argue, as long you work it ...

“For an increasing number of long-term marriages, it’s no longer a case of ‘until death do us part,’ it’s a matter of until the children depart from the family nest,” writes Rachel Browne in a Sydney Morning Herald article, “Parents wait until children go, then do the same thing.” Suddenly finding your busy life full of activities attached to children, and a home in a constant state of noise, and endless ...

Start a “change reaction” in your relationship by changing yourself first. It’s easy to see how couples get stuck when ‘being right’ has become a habit. Clinging to our ‘right to be right’ is like gangrene in a relationship — it eats away at our intimacy by destroying our willingness to be vulnerable and open with each other. Insanity has been described as doing the same thing over and over while ...

Even if your marriage is going through difficulties, taking these small steps can work wonders in reigniting your love and smoothing out communication. A lot of people feel trapped in a dissatisfying or troubled marriage. They feel powerless to ‘fix’ it because their spouse refuses to join them in counselling or a marriage enrichment course. Yet in truth, there are lots of things a husband or wife can do on their ...