Parental alienation is a systemic plague infecting the family court system.

Inoculating the courts against this would clear the emotional quagmire brought on by The Court of Emotion’s atrocious toxic waiting queue in a matter of months.

Not only this, the disproportionately high suicide rate among men, as well as domestic violence numbers, would likely nosedive across the board.

Defusing the manipulative device, instead of downplaying its effects, can go a long way in reaching dads who feel powerless and choose senseless self-destruction over drowning in despair.


Parental alienation is when ‘a parent drastically undermines the child’s relationship with the other parent.’

This often impacts fathers head-on for two reasons:

  1. The conditioning of courts and society automatically sides with the grievances of mothers.
  2. The long erosion of due process has betrayed impartiality.

Tipping the scales in favour of torn-to-pieces mum, means a double whammy for an already torn-apart dad.

Presumption of innocence tends to fall one way, until the matter is eventually — if ever — weighed and balanced by the already overwhelmed and unbalanced family court system.

Apply the rough, upwards figure of around AU$200,000 for custody battles, societal abandonment, and the misandrist demonisation of dads, it’s no wonder men snap.

For further evidence of this deadly imbalance (dare we call it gender bias?), look no further than the amount of support that exists for mums, compared to the thread of support offered to dads.

Much of the former is now government-sponsored or taxpayer-funded. (A direct consequence of the slow removal of God, Church, family, and communal care from Western society.)

In the case where a marriage tragically breaks down, men tend to find themselves on the outside looking in.


Additionally, Australia’s ‘judges are over stressed, and the system overall is beyond capacity’, suggesting the family court system is broken.

In 2019, the Financial Review reported, ‘The average wait for a trial in the Family Court was 17 months,’ and this was for those who were already in the queue.

Writing for the Review, Aaron Patrick explained,

‘Making courts more efficient may not speed them up. Ask almost any lawyer in the game and they’ll tell you why a tiny proportion of cases end in front of a judge.’

Patrick described the Family Court system as ‘a dark hole, where people screw each other after they have stopped sharing beds.’

Hatred being the primary motivator, Family Court filings ‘aren’t renowned for honesty,’ he explained.

A dad visiting his kids might be surrounded by an ‘army of social workers’, based on very little evidence, who assess things as asinine as whether a dad has ‘made sure his child is wearing sunscreen, and a hat.’

Speaking to how weaponised parental alienation has become, the Review cited the example of a Brisbane nurse,

‘Who, in 2016 accused her ex of assaulting their three-year-old son. The father, a tradesman, immediately lost access to the child.’

The tradesman was allocated a 3-day trial to defend himself and fight for access, where his team of lawyers ‘asserted the allegation was a lie’, counter-arguing that ‘the boy’s mother was going to brainwash the boy into believing he had been raped.’

In this case, The Financial Review said, the judge sided with the dad, on the grounds that the child’s mother had convinced herself the lie was true, and presented a risk to the child.

Patrick added, ‘part of the case was fought over’ grammar, and ‘whether the child [who] had woken up upset one night and said “Dad: a monster” or “Dad! A Monster.”

The judge, noting it was a “he said, she said” case, highlighted concerns the ‘mother had falsely made the most heinous allegations against the father for the purpose of keeping him out of the child’s life.’

Providing a few more examples, the Review mentioned one retired judge who said, ‘he once offered to buy a kitchen appliance to stop a couple fighting over the marital kitchen hardware.’

The same article recounted how ‘a lawyer watched as her client’s ex-wife undid the top two buttons of her blouse before addressing the judge, a male. Years later the judge remembered forcing himself to keep his gaze above her chin.’

Psychological Weapon

While parental alienation is often associated with separation and divorce, it’s a mistake to think this form of abuse is only found in broken homes.

Parental alienation can, and does, take place, in homes where parents are not separated, or divorced.

Regardless of the context, the discounting of how often this psychological weapon is used in family disputes is one reason why the infection goes without treatment.

Resolving to end this apparent war on dads — and heartbreak warfare in general — begins with ending parental alienation.

This is the key to freeing up the justice system and securing a better future for our kids.


Photo: Evgeny Atamanenko/BigStock

About the Author: Rod Lampard

Rod, his wife Jonda, and their five kids are homeschooling veterans. Rod spent 12 years in management at Koorong, has a Bachelor’s Degree in Ministry & Theology, and is a writer for the theological, politically edgy news site Caldron Pool. Rod also writes for the Spectator. Find his personal blog here.


  1. Bradley January 8, 2023 at 3:34 pm - Reply

    This article is all true! I am the dad of one boy but I was an alienated child from my dad due to my mother’s narcissistic ways. I’m still learning daily why I done things as a teenager. Daily i research to become a better man! and dads for kids helped me for years! thanks again 😁

    • R January 9, 2023 at 10:41 am - Reply

      Hi Bradley,

      I can relate. Hopefully the more aware parents are about the snares of emotive reasoning, the better parents they’ll be, rain, hail or shine. Thanks for sharing.

  2. Dave Fly January 9, 2023 at 3:03 pm - Reply

    Thank you for publishing this Rod. Nice work. And thanks to Ryan Thomas too. From experience in my life (divorced 8 years ago and my kids are adults now) I would add that my ex, when she was my wife, long before the divorce, was strongly alienating the kids from their dad (me) and his family. In fact, parental alienation was part of the cause of divorce. Of course it increased strongly after divorce and continues today. And the family court even participated in the alienation when my kids were minors.

    I’d also like to share what my friend told me. He too experienced parental alienation strongly after divorce and his three kids did not contact him for 13 years. As adults, their dad came to visit them to try and it reestablished his relationship with all three of his kids ! And even though they were now in their 30s with their own kids; they asked their dad to establish an alias social media account simply so that they could connect on social media without their mother finding out they were talking with their dad !

    Parental alienation can start in preschool years, as in my kids; and it can go on for decades.

    Yes, I agree, parental alienation is indeed child abuse.

    • R January 11, 2023 at 7:52 am - Reply

      Tragic. It’s these kinds of testimonies that will provide an substantial amount of weight to the pushback against parental alienation’s psychological and emotional (sometimes also spiritual abuse). Dads (and some mums) at the back hand of these whip statements should know they’re not alone, and that there are groups out there like Dads 4 Kids who understand some of what these parents are going through.

      As I mentioned in the end of the article, parental alienation permeates even “healthy” marriages. Any changes, though, begin with us. We change what we can only change: our own behaviour. Hence the importance of awareness about parental alienation and how damaging it is to kids, and not only them, but the whole resolution/restitution process.

      Thanks for adding you experience to this important discussion, mate.

  3. VICKI May 16, 2023 at 1:32 pm - Reply

    My son is currently going through this .Something should seriously be done to stop these selfish women that call themselves
    mothers from being able to do this to there children because which ever way you want to look at it they are emotionally and mentally abusing their own child for their own selfish need for nasty. There should be a law passed that stops this heartache and despair for
    the poor dads and the poor kids especially younger ones who do not understand what is happening especially when their mother is telling them lies about there dad. SO ALL YOU WOMEN OUT THERE PLAYING YOUR OWN SELFISH GAME STOP USING YOUR CHILD YOU CLAIM TO LOVE LIKE A COMMIDITY AND PORN .GET YOUR SELF ASSESSED AND DEAL WITH YOUR ISSUES INSTEAD OF CREATING ISSUES FOR YOUR CHILD THEY DO NOT DESERVE THAT. VICKI

    • Rod June 20, 2023 at 1:48 pm - Reply

      I hear you pain, Vicki. Unfortunately it’s the bad dads, who’ve made it harder for the great ones. As is wise in any conflict, it’s helpful to remember that our response is our responsibility. We cannot change others. Sadly, the system doesn’t appear to agree, and it gives one side right of way, while it shows contempt to the other. We live in a “believe all women” society now. Men post #metoo have lost the right to due process – again some of that is self-inflicted, most of it not. There’s changes needed everywhere in this regard. The best place to start a Dads Matter Revolution is start with ourselves. Hopefully community awareness, and individual responsibility will win out.

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