(A goodbye letter written by a mate.)

Dear Jane,

Even though it will probably take you only five minutes to read this, if you read it at all, it took me a long time to write it. It also took a lot of courage to speak my mind and my heart.

I hope you don’t see this as an attack on you, it’s not. Forgive me for my anger, it’s necessary.
Anger is like a fire — I had to get it out and burn it up, so that I can be rid of it.

I’m not trying to hurt you in any way. I know you’ve been hurt deeply already. I can’t undo that, but I’m truly sorry. I’ve been hurt too and I’m doing my best to forgive. I don’t hold you responsible for my pain.

This is a letter to you, but not for you, it’s for me. It’s just a part of the work that I needed to do, so that I can get on with my life.

Good-bye.

Good-bye attorney’s fees!

Good-bye custody battle.

Good-bye frustration, wondering, waiting, never knowing.

Good-bye foolish wishes and dreams.

Good-bye to a marriage that was destined to fail, even before it began.

Good-bye to the bitching when you couldn’t get your way.

Good-bye anger, at me, whether or not I had it coming.

Good-bye sex, when you felt like it.

Good-bye trying to please you, which was practically impossible.

Good-bye threats — who cares?!

Good luck kids, sorry you have to live with her for now.

Good-bye insanity, when my frustrations and anger overcame me.

Good-bye your way, hello my way!

Good-bye being manipulated because I allowed myself to be.

Good-bye feeling worthless, no matter what I did.

Good-bye fear of what you’d do next.

Good-bye looking for love elsewhere, and wishing I could come home to it.

Good-bye ‘glimmer of hope’ that someday it will work out.

Good-bye pouring my heart out to you, and feeling like you just didn’t care.

Good-bye craving to be loved by the woman I loved.

Good-bye fear of failing, hello to being human.

Good-bye abstinence.

Good-bye resistance to every change I wanted.

Good-bye to you planting a garden and me having to take care of it.

Good-bye to being married once and having it work out.

Good-bye to raising a family together.

Good-bye to sticking together through thick and thin.

Good-bye to no help from you, sometimes when I really needed it.

Good-bye to your family, whom I grew to love.

Good-bye to being an uncle to your sister’s kid.

Which reminds me,

Good-bye to your sister who will probably always take advantage of you.

Good-bye to trying to understand your anger, maybe you were born with it.

Good-bye to your hugs, which I’d die for when I could get them.

Good-bye to growing old together.

Good-bye to retiring to our mountain home together, my lifelong dream.

Good-bye to my mother’s friend, she really loved you, you know.

Goodbye to Blue Lake, our lake, and the happiest times of my life.

Good-bye to catching fish with you there, ’til our arms hurt.

Good-bye to hearing our kids saying “Mummy and Daddy” all in one sentence.

Good-bye to being there as a team for them for the rest of our lives.

Good-bye to being there, at home, for them whenever they need me.

Hello to being a weekend father — great!  Just what I’ve always dreamed of.

Good-bye to the chance to put them to bed every night, reading books together, saying prayers and telling them I love them.

Good-bye to showing them by example how two people can work it out, pray together and stay together and love their way through any problem no matter what.

‘Till death do us part’ — the truth is, our marriage has died, and with it, a part of me has died too.  Now I’m alone, one of the ‘walking wounded’.

Good-bye to loving you — damn that’s hard to say! But there’s no point in it now, what’s the use?

Thank you Lord for the tears to wash away the pain, I’ve got to go on now, I can’t believe how hard this is, but in a way it feels good to let it go.

Someday, I’ve got to have faith that someday, I’ll be healed. I wish you the best with all my heart.

[Photo by cottonbro from Pexels]