Just took my little boy back after our access weekend. Feeling low! I guess it’s just that same feeling every dad goes through when he drops his kids off after spending such little time with them. Some don’t even get that. So I guess I am blessed.

‘An every-second- weekend-dad.’ I hate it and so does he. It just goes too quick. There’s just this emptiness that pervades your inside. It usually happens on a Sunday night, the same night we commenced our first DIDS meeting. It was at that time I felt the lowest part of my week.

As one of our guys said once in our meetings, he comes alive on Friday afternoon and then dies again Sunday night. If that’s how we feel, what about our kids? How do they feel? As low as us? Maybe? Kids need both mum and dad in their day-to-day lives. I know mine do.

I try not to put out any negative energy when it comes time to drop him home, but a sudden sadness, a quiet time settles over our last hours together. No one says much; I guess we just understand our time together is drawing to a close for another two weeks. We don’t have to say anything — he is my son, I am his father and we love each other.

Before DIDS, I had no-one to talk about my feelings with. I had nowhere to go to be validated. No-one to tell me I was feeling normal under the circumstances. I would drink, I would drug, I would do anything, anything to stop the pain. Thankfully, I found DIDS and now I know that I am not alone. Now I have found the help I need to get through those empty times.

If you are reading this and think we are just another mum-bashing organisation, think again. Our meetings are not about her, they’re about us. They’re about working out how to stay on the road. How to be Dad to our kids and how to do it with such little time together.

They’re about understanding that there is always someone with a worse situation than your own. They’re about guidance. They’re about navigating the future by understanding your past. They’re about there being three sides to every story: His, Hers and the Truth, and somewhere on the journey, we come to that truth. They’re about our beautiful children.

[Photo by Tima Miroshnichenko from Pexels]
Published On: November 6th, 20050 CommentsTags: , , , , ,

About the Author: Tony Miller

Tony Miller was awarded the Order of Australia Medal in the 2010 Queen's Birthday honors list 'For service to the community through the provision of support services for separated families'.

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