Having “the talk” with kids is a jarring part of parent life.

Even with homeschooling making this job a little easier, I’m still asking myself the same awkward question everyone else is:

“How in the hell do I talk to my kids about sex, without the cringe, or me tripping over the wrong words?”

The best execution? Use a scalpel, not a bat. Get creative.

I approached the topic with a good old age-appropriate read-and-discuss lesson.

Our core text was (and still is) Dr Patricia Weerakoon’s reverential, Teen Sex By the Book: A Call to Countercultural Living (3rd ed).

Weerakoon’s science-proper specifics are helpful enough to not bore kids or make them blush.

 

The writing style is engaging, and Weerakoon’s joyful faith-based sensitivity to complex issues, surrounding sexual development, is as holistic, as any wholesome conversation about sex can get.

This includes difficult discussions about the distortion of sexuality, the reproductive, and physiological relationship between adult biological females, and males.

Another idea when tackling “the talk,” is writing an open letter to your kids.

This is exactly what Family Research senior fellow, and author Owen Strachan did in broaching the subject of pornography with his son.

Strachan presented four points about sex, he said, ‘a son needs to hear from his father.’

 

In his heart-to-heart, the theology professor challenged the false perceptions of women and sex that pornography burns into the male psyche.

Strachan wrote that a lot…

“of boys are looking at naked women and such things, and they’re thinking that doing so is going to bring all that they want: happiness. Joy. Fulfillment. Satisfaction.

I understand those impulses because I have them myself as a man, and as a sinner […] we have to handle these things carefully.”

His first point declares the beauty of sex shared between husband and wife.

The beauty of God’s ordained union.

Man, free for woman, woman free for man. Both paired physiologically, emotionally, spiritually and – through children, joined as one flesh – biologically.

Strachan wrote to his son:

“There’s no shame in sex. Sex is not given to us by evil beings. Sex is God’s gift to mankind.”

Second:

“I want you to know that pornography ruins sex — it doesn’t honour it.

Porn puts a beautiful woman before you on a screen (or a page), and it insists you don’t need marriage to lust after her and make her your fantasy.”

Speaking to how this seductive false reality undermines manhood, Strachan said that Pornography tells you,

“You don’t need to love her, or lead her, or understand her, or provide for her. You certainly don’t need to protect that woman — in fact, you can feel free to use her for your selfish lusts.”

Porn is a prison, Strachan wrote.

Overcome the hivemind.

“Many times, in my life (especially earlier in my life and Christian walk), I’ve seen and thought things that were wrong for me to engage. The good news for me, you, and everyone else is this: We’re not left to ourselves to fight this battle.”

“Our past”, asserts Strachan to his son, “doesn’t define who we are today.”

There is hope, “even when you stumble and fall, as we all do, there is hope for you — much hope (James 3:2). God is a forgiving God.”

The dad’s open letter to his son concludes, “Fight for holiness.”

Then, on your last day,

“You will give thanks that God did not allow you to get addicted to pornography, or blow up your marriage, or ruin your life due to lust.

Men of God don’t quit, and men of God don’t stop fighting until the final bell sounds.”

According to Real Talk 4 Men podcasters, Guy Mullon, and Chris Field, Porn is a USD $97 billion dollar industry, as harmful as gambling and smoking cigarettes.

There are real time consequences: study after study of its victims link the soul-destroying gambit to dissatisfaction with life, sexual violence, harassment, and divorce.

“There are no winners”, explained Mullon, “everyone loses”.

Pornography doesn’t just catastrophically rewire the brain, its false reality destroys real relationships.

For example, while many think porn is harmless, “usage often has a significant negative impact on the family, work, and community”, explained a well-referenced, Utah University fact sheet.

Their list includes, a wife feeling betrayed, and inadequate. False expectations for sexual activity. The erosion of trust, intimacy, and increased aggression.

The multitude of information available about the dangers of porn is almost infinite.

This access to intel has made having “the talk” with kids, easier than ever.

As jarring as it can seem, no one can talk the talk, better than the mum or dad, who tries to walk the walk.

Protecting kids is about preparing them. Look at Owen Strachan’s open letter to his son.

There isn’t much I’d add to his letter, except to remind my own sons that the second look is where they get hooked.

To be forewarned is to be forearmed.

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Photo by Pixabay.

Published On: April 20th, 20230 CommentsTags: , , ,

About the Author: Rod Lampard

Rod, his wife Jonda, and their five kids are homeschooling veterans. Rod spent 12 years in management at Koorong, has a Bachelor’s Degree in Ministry & Theology, and is a writer for the theological, politically edgy news site Caldron Pool. Rod also writes for the Spectator. Find his personal blog here.

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