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Funny Mothers Quotes

My mother always told me I wouldn't amount to anything because I procrastinate. I said 'Just wait'. - Judy Tenuta

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. - Calvin Trillin

When your mother asks, "Do you want a piece of advice?" it is a mere formality. It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no. You're going to get it anyway. - Erma Brombeck

Mother always said that honesty was the best policy, and money isn't everything. She was wrong about other things too.  - Gerald Barzan

The best way to keep children home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant -- and let the air out of the tires. - Dorothy Parker

The real menace in dealing with a five-year-old is that in no time at all you begin to sound like a five-year-old.  - Jean Kerr

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing. - Phyllis Diller

I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours. - Rita Rudner

My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can't decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives. – Rita Rudner

Motherhood is like Albania - you can’t trust the descriptions in the books, you have to go there. - Marni Jackson

 

 

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